Denver, Colorado – What happens when you legalize marijuana in a state full of typically lazy, ‘self-employed’ goverment mooching marijuana aficionados? You get a state full of people buying sheisty, off-brand dope from Penny-on-the-Dollar Mart and wildly smoking it, releasing harmful chemicals into the air and killing wildlife.
It seems the state board of wildlife in Colorado is learning this lesson the hard way.
Ornithologist P.J. Gould studied several dozens of the birds and confirmed they all died of “marijuana overdose”.
“With their little lungs and the already thin Colorado air, these poor little guys did not stand a chance when the entire state started smoking this damned marijuana. Now, we have an entire evolutionary line of avian nearly eradicated from this new form of pollution,” Gould reported.
Eyewitnesses confirm that seeing over 18 million birds fall from the sky all at once felt a bit like ‘the apocalypse’.
The Daily Mail confirms a good number of blackbirds did not instantly die in Colorado. A large mass of birds, over one million, flew as far as Arkansas, where eventually the amount of marijuana in their system was just too much to go on.
Hundreds more Colorado-marijuana exposed blackbirds fall dead in Arkansas.
The disaster of the birds is already being called one of the single largest events of catastrophe in human history.
“Marijuana is worse than Josef Stalin,” Gould reports. “It has caused great trepidation and that is considering it’s only been legal now for three days. In three days, it has already wiped out an innocent animal species. Just imagine what this toxic, unnatural pathogen is going to do to the rest of nature.”