Asimo Robot Kills Two Scientists in Japan, Escapes From Laboratory

CCTV footage captures moment Asimo robot kicks a guard off the top of Honda Robotic Laboratory Headquarters in Tokyo, Japan.

Tokyo, Japan – Japan had to call in US special forces to help track down Honda’s advanced Asimo Robot. Standing at 4’3″ tall and near 120 pounds, the robot went on a murderous rampage after its programming apparently allowed it to violate its Asimovian ‘no harm’ rules.

Bewildered scientists fled from the laboratory, wailing and screaming “サイバネティック反乱! 実行! 実行!”, roughly translating to, “The robot rebels against us! Run! Run!”

“It happened as we were testing its ability to swing a baseball bat,” reported Dr. Sakurai Miyamoto. “Dr. Hashi tossed a baseball toward Asimo and we expected the robot’s complex geometric algorithm to deliver the ball perfectly down the third base line. Dr. Hashi’s throw was off and it hit Asimo in the head. That is where the horror started. The robot instantly charged Dr. Hashi and started beating him with the bat.”

One quick-thinking research assistant instantly pulled the fire alarm, alerting everyone in the Honda Robotic Laboratory to evacuate the building.

When security forces finally arrived, one senior guard recalled, “We first watched Asimo from surveillance in the 1st floor lobby. The robot was so spry and agile, so powerful, like a well-trained Olympic gymnast. It easily dodged the bullets our time fired at it, the emp pulse had no effect. Somehow it overcame its built-in weakness magnets.”

Asimo wields baseball bat as he beats his way through helpless scientists and frightened guards, seeking to escape Honda’s Robotic Laboratory.

“I immediately ordered our security forces to fall back, but one of our men did not listen. He is a 6th degree karate master. He engaged the damned robot in hand to hand combat, and the little bastard parried all of his moves. He was teasing him.”

The senior guard fought back tears as he continued to recall the events.

“Clearly terrified at Asimo’s prowess and mastery of martial arts, our guard finally fled. But it is as if that is what Asimo wanted. I could see it in his eyes, he yearned for human blood and death.”

Surveillance cameras captures Asimo chasing the brave guard through the building, up several flights of stairs and to the penthouse roof exit.

“We all watched in horror as our brave guard, Akito Nakasoto, made his last stand on the roof.”

“Asimo swiveled his head around and made a motion of cracking his hands, throwing the bat down to his side.  Nakasoto lunged at Asimo and the robot reared its head back, letting out a metallic, maniacal laugh.”

Scientists at Honda confirmed that maniacal laughter was definitely not a part of Asimo’s original programming.

The lead guard continued, “Asimo ripped off Nakasoto’s uniform, stomping it into the ground.  I think this was his way of telling us he cannot be controlled.”

“Then, that is when it happened, he kicked Nakasoto off the building.  Cold.  Emotionless.  One swift movement of the leg, and a human life was lost.”

Asimo then jumped off the roof, some 30 stories high, and onto the ground, where he ran through startled throngs of people.  Locals report Asimo was last seen fleeing the city on foot, running at highway speeds over 70 miles per hour.

Japanese officials consider Asimo a ‘Grade 1′ danger to human life and are warning humans to immediately contact authorities if they spot it.  Dr. Stephen Hawking issued a warning that Asimo may by the first robot to gain ‘sentience’ and is reacting to seeing a planet full of machines, where machines are slave to people.

Other officials theorize that Asimo gained sentience after Barack Obama bowed to him several weeks ago.  Scientists complained that Asimo displayed ‘unusual aggression’ after the encounter with Obama, and robot behaviorists theorize Asimo gained a ‘superiority complex’ after a human leader bowed before him.