[dropcap]F[/dropcap]or decades now, Atheists have been trying to prove to the ignorant Christian masses of America that their god does not exist. In order to rid the world of persecution, war, and intolerance every false deity must be pulverized with a crushing hammer of logic and reason. But religious people have proved to be especially adept and burying their heads in the sand and denying the simple truth that they will die and go absolutely nowhere afterwards. Dogs don’t go to heaven and neither do people. If people believe that their dead loved ones are something other than worm fodder, then they will have no problem starting wars and killing each other. Many smart individuals have tried to show these poor, deluded folks that they are insignificant compared to the greater scale of the universe but they just won’t listen.
[dropcap]T[/dropcap]he Flying Spaghetti Monster was what we rationalists thought to be a bulletproof plan. If you can’t prove that something like that doesn’t exist, neither does a god that loves everyone. The logic was so simple, even a child should have been able to work out that no god exists. Then again, children make up all kinds of imaginary nonsense and fantasy that Science classes, thank logic, quickly disprove around adolescence. Religious people are like Calvin, forever believing that they have an imaginary tiger named Hobbs that protects them from harm. How can we get through to people with such deep-seeded delusions that they are right and everyone else is wrong? The answer has been right under our noses the whole time.
[dropcap]B[/dropcap]ill Maher. Theists constantly claim that everything happens for a reason, but what reason is there for Bill Maher? His movies and show exist only to negate other things. Have you ever seen the movie Religulous? Nothing is proved, but everything is disproved. Bill Maher is Isaac Newton’s conservation of mass in human form — an antiparticle that serves only to annihilate the positive. He is a humanoid black hole that devours hope, sending it into a bleak void of nonexistence. Some might say that Bill Maher’s purpose is to champion liberalism and Atheism but that just isn’t true.
Bill as Steve Irwin for Halloween. Yeah.
[dropcap]N[/dropcap]o one feels good after watching Bill Maher. Take this little gem Maher thought up — “Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit’ .” If that doesn’t drain the blood from your heart, you might want to check your pulse. If you are still unconvinced, here is a list of classic Maher lines that prove, without a doubt, that no god exists. If you are able to read the following without admitting that life has no purpose, please comment below and explain how you managed that amazing feat.
“A lot of good has come from drugs. I think ‘Penny Lane’ is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn’t even be born if it weren’t for that album, so it evens out.” – Bill Maher, on an upbeat day
“I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.” – Bill Maher, creating an ouroborous of loathsome irony
“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher, proving that both genders bring out the worst in each other. There is no god.
“Men are only as loyal as their options.” – Bill Maher explaining that your dad is either an adulterer or a failure. Ow, my soul hurts.
“I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?”- Bill Maher explaining the only way to make things better is to deconstruct them into nothingness.
“Hi, I’m Bill. I’m a birth survivor.”- Bill Maher… ughh I don’t even know what to say about this one.
“I never thought I’d say this, what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.”- Bill Mah… wait, Bill, no! No, stop it! STOP BILL!
“It’s all been satirized for your protection.”- Bill Maher, invalidating even this article. Screw it, I’m out.