[adsense]@Cosmos fans on Twitter are tormenting Christians today, sending us pictures of ‘Zombie Jesus’ on Easter to try and ruin a wonderful day.
Easter is supposed to be the day America and all the lesser nations celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior. We do this by going to Church or Mass, spending time with our family while we take time to reflect on how Christ suffered for our innate sin, so that we may live life eternally in Heaven.
The story of our redemption through Christ is actually quite beautiful and the holiday is grand. The gift of Heaven is wonderful (Heaven Is For Real is a great Easter Movie your whole family can enjoy today!) and it is very hurtful that Cosmos titular narrator Neil DeGrasse Tyson and his minions of calamity would do such things today.
Take a look at some of these Zombie Jesus Easter Pictures that these sinful Cosmoites have tweeted to me today:
1. Zombie Jesus ‘The Thriller’
This is the first one I found Tweeted to me today, and I rank it number one because it is the most offending. Here we see the Cosmos fans took time to say “Have An Awesome Zombie Jesus Day”. Jesus here is shown in green hue, wearing Michael Jackson’s boogie outfit from ‘The Thriller’. ‘The Thriller’ is a sinful song that celebrates Satanic creatures like werewolves and zombies who dance in synchronized fashion, as they collaborate to trap a young woman in a house so they can eat her and make her part of their devil-cult.
I’m sure the fans of Cosmos love the theme of converting innocent Christians over to their cult by ‘biting’ us, so this picture just really riles me all up.
2. Jesus Thriller with Backup Zombie Saints
Well, naturally I complained and the train-wreck continued. Some people from reddit.com/r/atheists took it upon themselves to inform everyone of ‘a crazy Pastor’s Twitter meltdown’. First of all, don’t think I’m not so hip that I do not read your little forum’s collaborations.
Two, I’m not crazy.
That being said, in a massive flurry of all sorts of offensive Tweets, this one caused me to slam my first on my desk. The Twitterer tracked me down with this picture and hasished it #zombiejesus and threatened to ‘do an entire video’ with him and his friends doing the Zombie Bogie on Youtube. I bet if I threw holy water on those costumes they would sizzle with Satanic stitchcraft. THIS IS NOTT FUNNY! GET IT! STOP DOING THIS!
Michael Jackson Zombie Jesus presumably after performing the sand-paper foot slide effect with his minions. (Note: this is all fake and all actors in this picture. This is not actual footage of Jesus or anything like that.)
3. Zombie Jesus T-shirts being sold
I could hardly focus on my Easter Sermon today, because all these highly mean images were stirring within my mind. Then someone sent this picture: it caused me so much discomfort I had to grab a box of Kleenex, for my tears.
There are actually t-shirts. Someone out there is rolling in the riches, making fun of Zombie Jesus. How mean is that? It is just not very nice.
4. Zombie Jesus on Scoobie Doo
Well, look here. Of course Scoobie Doo makes an appearance. I once did a sermon on how sinful Scoobie Doo is as a show and received thousands of ‘Thank You’ letters from concerned parents. Liberals just did not understand my sermon and even the source material I used to power that sermon, many left-wing parents did not understand it.
But we can see they can understand ‘oh, haha, let us make Jesus get a citizen’s arrest from the Scooby Gang for being Zombie Jesus’. First of all, Jesus does not need to do real-estate schemes or use spooking tactics to scare some people out of land he wants to buy to open a shopping mall. So it’s just not funny. Two, the Scooby Doo show is a marijuana-propaganda vehicle. I bet it’s Nielsen ratings are high in Cheetos-fingered stained, non-working adult Colorado demographic.
5. Zombie Jesus Stickers
This is not the work of a moral people, my friends.
6. Ghostbusters Attack ‘Risen’ Zombie Jesus
The Ghostbusters capturing Jesus. Look at them letting the streams cross, which is already bad enough. At least the artist remembered to take Venkman out of the equation.
7. Zombie vs. Jesus
This is all just more proof of why we must cancel Cosmos. It is only emboldening actions which are making people irreverent for one of the most important holidays of the year.
Believers, be well today and have a joyous time with your family. Those who sent these images, please repent in your heart and know that your path to forgiveness has already been paved. Why don’t you take the first step and join us in Church today?
Pastor Haywood Bynum, III
– Note: I had to start a new Twitter because the old one was just too flooded with these Zombie Jesus images. You can find my new Twitter here. Thanks!