Russian President Vladimir Putin ordered his military forces to retreat from Ukraine.
Only hours after former US President George W. Bush, Jr., reported that he ‘has convinced his brother to run for US president‘, Vladimir Putin quickly commanded his troops to evacuate and abandon all plans to invade Ukraine.
Sources close to Vladimir Putin state the Russian oligarch feels ‘unsafe’ with a Bush in office.
“President Obama, he is a man of reason. I know he is not going to invade Russia or not shake my hand during a meeting. His is weak for this, but at least he has manners,” Putin allegedly stated.
Putin continued, “But these Bush motherf**kers, they are just crazy. They will invade your country, pillage your villages, burn your armies and throw crazed Halliburton orgies in your oil, then call all your citizens terrorists.
I do not want to be hiding in a sewer and dragged out for all the world to see, like my old friend Saddam Hussein. Nope, I will not even screw around with these Bushes. I’ll wait another 8 years for them to get out of office.”