It is with great confidence that I posit the obvious: Florida Gulf Coast has somehow hired Lance Armstrong as their athletic trainer or ‘water boy’ for the tournament, because there is no way possible that a Cinderella team can have so much raw talent.
The following video proves my point, fair and square:
There should be a certain standard to the NCAA tournament. The Florida Gulf Coast team looks like a pasty Harlem Globetrotters squad, doing streetball dunks in the middle of one of America’s most revered traditions. Not only is it improper for them to be knocking out #2 seeds and having fun while doing it, it is also a travesty that they have ruined so many carefully studied brackets.
I am an expert bracketologist. Last year my skills of prediction earned me a hard-earned $500 in the office pool. But my gut instinct tells me something is foul with this team. They all remind me of secretly altered players in NBA Live. You all have done it: you take Lamar Odom or perhaps Charlie Villanueva and make created-player versions of them. Your friends think your guys are just really lucky, but you know you’ve hacked Odom to be a 95% percent three point shooter.