Doctors are overwhelmed with joyous smiles and tears as they announce to their patient, “Ted”, that he has been cured of gay by virtue of Facebook prayers and powerful faith-based medications.
[adsense]Saddleback Township, Oklahoma – An Oklahoma father has been cured of gay.
Joyous doctors announced to the family earlier this morning that the father who had fallen into a deep bout of ‘gay tendencies and actions’ had been completely cured after an intense therapeutic session of strong anti-anxiety medications and prayers from Facebook friends.
The backstory to this heartwarming peace actually starts on Facebook. “I posted several photographs of my family on Spring vacation to my Facebook wall. One of my girlfriends messaged me a few hours later and said ‘your husband is eyeing the Cabana boy on several of the pictures,” reports “Ted’s” wife, whose family has asked for veil of privacy for this story.
It was her friend’s initial assessment that lead Ted’s wife to looking through past family pictures, videos and asking other friends if they thought her husband was gay. The feedback was troubling. “Most of them thought he was secreting a gay lifestyle behind my back, but just didn’t say anything.”
Emboldened, she asked Ted if he was gay. Breaking down in a fit of tears, Ted revealed that for the past several years, he had struggled internally with gay thoughts and didn’t know how to explain it or release himself from them. The family sought immediate medical attention.
Doctors were able to diagnose Ted with Type 2 Homosexuality, which usually appears later in life and oft catches married men off guard. Symptoms include lingering the eyes on the backsides of men at the gym, fastidious grooming, a strong craving for wine and crackers and obnoxious displays of snark or sassiness and far increased libido.
“After a strong round of meditative therapy, Qualuudes and support of friends who secretly ‘liked’ his post asking for prayer for his ‘condition’, Ted was cured of his homosexual urges. With regular faith-based regimen of medicine, his internal homosexuality should remain in remission,” reports Dr. Lance Tempore-Domini, who lead the medical team.
The medical team indicated they still have no idea what causes Type 2 Homosexuality.