Fukushima Alligator Snapping Turtle Terrorizes Oregon Town

Port Falls, OR –   “It is a warzone here, the Fukushima alligator snapping turtle is attacking the National Guard and we are under a state of emergency!”  Those words were last spoken by KORG TV’s Dan Carlson, before he was lost in an explosive haze of dust and debris, rendered by a  giant ‘alligator like turtle’ that started wrecking havoc moments ago.

Only days after the town of Noto, Japan was destroyed by a similar turtle, US biologists were shocked when they were called in to observe this new creature, being hailed a ‘prehistoric Fukushima irradiated alligator snapping turtle’.

Horror started at approximately 11:57 am, when schoolteacher Amy Greenfield heard bellowing coming from outside her classroom window.  “It sounded like an ancient chant, a bellowing roar being screamed toward the heavens.”

Upon looking outside her classroom window, Greenfield could not believed what she witnessed.  “A giant alligator shaped turtle with fiery eyes was looking at me as it snapped clean through the metal of Principle Hansfeld’s Toyota sedan.”  Greensfield kept calm and initiated the school’s emergency alarm for centralized evacuation.  All of the school children were hurried aboard district buses and taken to the next town, per emergency protocol.

The Oregon National Guard quickly responded to school’s parking lot, shooting tranquilizer darts, machine gun fire, small grenades and even SAMs at the turtle in planned tactical assault measures.  A corporal on the scene expressed disbelief, “We started off with tranq darts and may as well have fired a bb gun at it.  No effect.  We ended after the Abram’s tank shells exploded off the beast, we only seemed to frustrate it even more and caused it to charge.  The turtle simply tossed our men around and seemed to take deep huffs of the air, savoring the scent of chaos, fear, bloodshed and destruction it wrought upon us.  We lost some good men today.  This is not a turtle, it is a damned beast demon”

Scientists explain that within any given turtle’s genome, dormant genes that can express giant reptilian size, musculature, armor and aggression are present.  The turtle tearing through the Oregon town is simply ‘expressing the full extent of its genomic power’.

 

Dying camera man managed to get one final shot of the 7,000 pound Fukushima Alligator Snapping Turtle before it ran off to a nearby lake after a staggering airstrike.

With assistance from the US Army, the US National Guard consulted with Japanese scientists and are utilizing similar tactics used to subdue the still-living Fukushima turtle that attacked the Japanese town of Noto.  Calling in an airstrike after tricking this turtle into eating food laced with timed C4, sedatives and arsenic cobalt, the military was able to temporarily stunt the turtle after a B52 dropped several light bombs from overhead.  In its groggy state, the turtle retreated from the town center and ran in a staggered formation at over ’35 miles per hour’, until it reached a lake and took refuge.

The National Guard plans to boil the water off the lake if necessary, or reel in a submarine to fire underwater torpedos at the turtle.  Like the beast of Noto, the turtle’s shell seems impervious to all explosive weapon technology.

This story will be updated as details come in.  To date, it is estimated that over 15 adults are critically injured and several zoo animals, including two male lions who ‘heroically tried to defend their pride’, are dead.

UPDATE:

The US Army has managed to ‘neutralize’ the Fukushima Alligator Snapping Turtle after a massive showdown in an Oregon reservoir.

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