At the time of report, I am doing my best to not poke my gay friend. I saw a barrage of a certain symbol earlier on Facebook and since then, I’ve had a tremendous urge to navigate to “Grindr.com” to find myself a fun companion for tonight and then read Towleroad.com and Queerty.com to get my fix of quickly fingered news.
We all know the gay community begets some of the greatest masters of prose and art, but today’s psychological exploit they have committed show just how duplicitous and clever they could be. Only weeks ago, I warned everyone about how ChristianMingle.com is absolutely dangerous, because gays are sneaking on there and pretending to be your soulmate, to only reveal when you finally meet weeks later they are indeed gay and you’ve fallen in love with a fandango dancing man who wants nothing but to get a handful of your ‘crown jewels’.
It’s terrifying to know this is happening nationwide, but to have such an affront on Facebook is even scarier. Before going any further, I am going to show you the brainwashing symbol in question that will make you yearn to poke a gay friend and alters your mind. It’s like getting a song stuck in your head: you just have the urge to do it, and it keeps coming back, so you have to distract yourself with complex sciences or perhaps a good jog around the park while listening to some Cher or Yanni.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IMAGE CAN CAUSE YOU TO THINK GAY THOUGHTS. PLEASE IMMEDIATELY WARN YOUR FAMILY TO SHIELD THEMSELVES FROM YOUR COMPUTER ROOM, PRAY TO YOUR HIGHER SOURCE OF POWER AND THEN VIEW THE IMAGE. AFTERWARD, IMMEDIATELY FLUSH YOUR BRAIN BY STUDYING COMPLEX SCIENCES OR LISTENING TO A CATCHY TUNE THAT WILL KEEP THIS IMAGE FROM REPEATING IN YOUR BRAIN.
The first person to post this image on my Facebook timeline was none other than George Takei, the sterling ‘gentleman of homosexuality’. His firm, reassuring voice of baritone timbre and confident smirk has undoubtedly converted all sorts of innocent young men to indulge and experiment with performing complex SN2 mechanisms on each other. That’s organic chemistry speak for saying ‘the backside attack’!
You can see by this point, I was under the spell. I do not even remember posting this and am scared to look and see if I have a big, bright red and pink avatar as my profile picture. I cannot figure out why two strong, fleshy pieces of rectangle over a sea of red invokes your sensuality, but I am sure the science behind it is sinister if not planned.
I think George Takei is using none other than a Takei Mind Trick of Star Trek fame. It is a psychological phenomena that can trick your opponents into almost anything. Obama has used it to trick millions of Americans into believing that was born in Hawaii, can fix our horrible economy and wants us to be a moral country. He’s even tricked Republicans into sequestering vital budges, like our military.
So if that’s the case, it’s reasonable that as I type this article, I have all these strange feelings today and want to go have an iced coffee latte with our lifestyle editor, sitting just a few cubicles down. If you were to ask me about gay marriage right now and how it will destroy our societal if DOMA is ever overturned, I would just laugh at your and call you probably a ‘silly clown’.
DOMA is a bad thing and gay marriage is just two people who love each other so much, they want to spend their lives together. Their marriage will strengthen America’s backbone, as their unity will provide a stable, loving home in which beautiful children can be raised, a strong family will help power this great nation’s economic machine and another neighborhood will be blessed with friendly, forward-thinking lovely neighbors.
And that just terrifies me to the core that as of right now, I think such things are true. I’m blaming all this on this symbol Takei and dozens of others are pasting on my newsfeed today.