God Scorches Sydney With 115.7 Degrees of Fury, Choof Monger Julia Gillard and Her Cult of Marijuana Aficianados to Blame
Australia scorched with 115.7 degree heat* Citizens flee to basements of homes
* Prime Minister issues emergency degree to save marijuana farms from burning out
* Chooks spontaneously spitfiring
The Australians have always had it rough: originally a penal colony for the British Empire, the entire land mass of Australia has always been no more moral than the East wing of Sing-Sing. Around every corner, there is a big bellied man named Bubba, with three teeth to his name, who is waiting for you to ‘pull down them panties’ so he can give you the Deliverance squealing treatment. And if it’s not Bubba, it’s a rough and tumble Steve Irwin type who sees every new person as a creature to wrestle to its back, turn upside down and ‘skewer’ like a chook on the barbie.
This is to say, the men of Australia are very promiscuous. It is a primal place, with searing heats, Aboriginal culture and a prison mentality that has existed since the Middle Ages, when the Brits discovered the wild island. Everyone there has tensed thighs and thrusting pelvic muscles. The animals there are equally pernicious, with creatures such as the Tasmanian devil — a possessed cat-like beast – that tears through the streets like a rabid pit bull, striking fear into the hearts of all in its path. They have almost mythical beasts like box jelly-fish, African-rock pythons and spiders that will slowly eat you from the inside out, while mating.
And the women, they are strong of chin and powerful of pelvis. It matters not if you are married, they are forceful and breathy, always aroused and clenched. If you are a married man, let me just say you should stay away from Australia. They will have you a sinner within minutes.
All of the crazy fauana of the land aside, there is one group of people in Austrlaia who aren’t forcefully sex-crazed and wild. They are called the choofmonster cult, an Austalian slang for marijuana aficianados. They are the Vulcans unto Star Trek’s Klingons. While the latter will bat you over the head and have their way with you, the choofmonsters are poised and civilized. They are almost like desert hippies, this type of folks you will see dancing under the moonlight at a Coachella festival. Sure, they are just as rowdy and promiscious as any other Australian, but they do all of their perversions under the context of religion.
The Choofmonsters inhabit the rare lush stretches of Australia’s outback. They are a nomadic, oft seen praynig in fields of poppy marijuana (used to make white marijuana ice, aka marijuana cocaine), which can be sniffed or boiled down to a liquid and then injected into the arm. This cult has grown from a conclave of Australians and aboriginal natives, but has grown in popularity and now enjoys widespread popularity, to the point that the current Australian prime minister is actually a secret choofer and tempstress. And she, leading the cult of marijuana in Australia, has invoked the wrath of God.
Julia Gillard and Australian Cult of Marijuana Choofers Our investigation into why God is literally scorching the Earth of Australia lead us straight to the top, into the inner-chambers of Australia’s most popular woman: Julia Gillard. Apparently ‘hot’ by Australian standards, Gillard fits the mode of Australian women: she has grabbed Obama’s bottom while he was on a stateside visit, allegedly got him drunk and forced him into a tangling romp and has no shame dancing jive aboriginal mating dances with her fellow cultists.During her college days, Gillard was part of a growing neo-modern cult that can be best described as desert hippies. Calling themselves Aboriginal prosolytes, the original members of the cult decided to form a political party. Their platform: free love, free marijuana and socialist policy.
Reforming under the Social Labor party in the early 90s, the group is known for stripping down in the lush of Australia and growing marijuana, praying to Aboriginal deities and getting high before deciding on policy only while in the highest throes of ecstasy.
In this image, Gillard and her colleagues are allegedy gathered and deciding on Australia’s 2013 fiscal budget. It is not uncommon to see weird things like this in Australia these days, and that is because it is the world’s ‘leading’ country of marijuana production and consumption per household.
We cannot stand to have a Western nation going down this path. It is my strong editorial opinion of fact that Australia is being judged for growing all this illegal herb. God is sending a clear message: he will burn and let nature smoke any of this abomination. Marijuana in any of its forms, solid, liquid or gas, combusts at 115.7 degrees. So that he has chosen that exact temperature to bring a hellish fury on Australia is telling.
If the people of Australia wish this heat wave and drought to end, heed my words. Impeach Gillard and make marijuana illegal. Otherwise, this heat is just the tip of the iceburg.