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Kansas Creates ‘Jim Crow Segregation Laws for Gays’, Bill Created ‘To Avoid Wrath of God for Normal Folks’

Photo: OMG! The Kansas Legistators have discovered Time Travel! Yeah buddy, let's bring this shit back. #briansonaroll

Topeka, KS – In an unprecedented display of stereotypical good-ol-boyism, the state of Kansas is mulling a vote on legislation that is aimed to ‘segregate straight people and gay people, so the former will not incur the wrath of God’.

Being called the Anti-gay Segregation Bill, or the Kansas Religious Freedom act, the Kansas Senate temporarily nixed the bill born in the Kansas House of Representatives, but the bill still has life and received support from voters.

Approved by the Kansas House of Representatives by a 72-49 vote, the bill allows any government employees and businesses to deny services they believe support same-sex marriage.  Kansas law still perceives marriage only legal between a man and woman.

The measure approved Wednesday by the House 72-49 would allow government employees and businesses to deny services they believe validated same-sex marriage. 

Tiernan Lompolk of Swanksville Township applauded the bill and offered a unique case on why religious based legislation is a must.  “Look at what is happening in that sin-soaked East Coast.  They are freezing and without power.  This is because New York decided to vote on Gay Marriage and God is giving us the  signs, he is giving us signs that he is not tolerant of perverting marriage between a man and woman.”

During an interview with Lompolk, a crowd of passerbyes assembled on the street and audibly cheered and gave ‘Amens!’ to his words, with one woman holding a baby exclaimed, ‘My child will not be exposed to the flesh relationships of Satan!”

Others in Kansas express a very different opinion, saying that it is time for the state to rise above its perceived staleness to the notions of progress.

Tragic Prelude by John Steuart Curry, illustra...

“Bleeding Kansas” – The first battle of the Civil War was fought in Kansas, with native Kansan settlers fighting against encroaching forces who wanted Kansas admitted to the US as a slave state.

Kelly Blackstone responded to inquiry of the issue, “Many people forget that the first blood shed in the Civil War was in Kansas.  People from Missouri wanted Kansas admitted to the US as a slave state but the native people of Kansas, the freestate Jayhawks in Kansas, fought back with their lives.  Kansas was to remain a free state for all people to make a life for themselves.  The spirit of John Brown lives on and gay people must have every right as straight people.”

The Kansas Senate must agree with the thoughts of voters like Blackstone, or perhaps were shamed by national media coverage, for the bill has been voted against for now, forcing another review by the House of Representatives.

Jerry Dobsters, 49, disagreed, saying the bill gives ‘those with a morally straight conscious religious freedom to serve only like-minded people and not sully their morality.’

Multiple members of Kansas Clergy have rallied against the bill, citing is is fraudulent to claim a Christian behavior would be legalizing an institution of such blatant disregard and discrimination against openly gay couples.  In the land of America, all people should be equal.