Kansas Town Installs Phone Prayer Booths, So Residents Can ‘Call God Whenever They Need’

• TopekasNews
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Kansas City, KS – Kansas City resident Michelle Ioda woke up early this Sunday morning.  As she does on most Sundays, Michelle plans to make the morning worship service at her local church.  But this Sunday, she rose a little early so she could visit a nearby prayer booth recently installed by her city council.

“The Chiefs are playing the Broncos.  I forgot to go pray last Monday and for all I know, that is why [Peyton] Manning’s ankle MRI came back negative. If I had prayed, maybe God would have sprained it a little more and he would be out this week.”

Ioda’s belief in the power of prayer is fervent and mirrors many of her neighbors, she said.  Since the booths were put in throughout town several months ago, Kansas City data tracking confirms that on average, the prayer booths receive over 100,000 callers per week.

“It is therapeutic, that is how we lobbied them through city council,” local pastor Reverend Miles Collier reports.  “We said these prayer booths are not just for Christians, but for any person to take a break to close their eyes, ask out loud for what they need in life and just take a break from it all.  It is like having a free counseling session.”

Kansas City crime data confirms Collier may have a point.  Since their inception and installation in inner-city testing areas several years ago, crime in the area has decreased in near proportionate manner to the number of people using the prayer booths.  With such favorable trends, city council was quick to appropriate more land as ‘park space’ to install these ‘public service monuments of arts and counseling to the people of Kansas City’.

Each prayer booth comes with specific instructions.  To avoid legal trouble, Collier said, advisers insisted a disclaimer of religious intent and public safety be installed in each booth.

Each prayer booth comes with clear instructions, plainly telling each caller acceptable ways to use the booth.    After the kneelbar is lowered, the caller is to position himself or herself within, to not impede others around them.  After issuing their ‘prayer’, the caller is asked to return the kneelbar to an upright position.

A further ‘Warning’ disclaimer mentions the device is installed to designate a public space for such activities, and warns residents that improper use of it will result in a penalty or fine.

The other fine print warns users that ‘religious’ actions may take place within these prayer booths, but is clear to not condone such actions or require such actions.

Nationwide, several other cities have purchased these prayer booths and artists have used them to make public displays as well.

As for Ioda, who is prayed up for Sunday’s big game against the Broncos, “I can only hope the fine people of Denver have not copied these off us yet.  With enough prayer, we can beat the Broncos in front of the entire country.”

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24 Comments

  • Yeah, because if your God existed, he would most certainly intervene in answering prayers regarding sports and ignore prayers for suffering and starving men, women, and children around the world! This is disgusting because it encourages actions which have no effect on reality and only continues to feed the delusion that is religion.

  • Jimmy Swaggart, Miss Cleo, Dionne Warwick, Joel Olstein, etc., etc., etc.

  • I hate to sound too gullible, but is this real?

  • It’s satire people. Just check out the other articles he’s written! They’re hysterical. Dude is gifted.

  • Tell me this is a joke. Right?

  • I smell bullshit on this article. See here:

    http://www.cityofdubuque.org/index.aspx?NID=1358

  • im guessing the people using these also hug trees and lick windows

  • “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.

    Can’t even read their own bible.

  • Does the correlation mean that it is those who are praying who have been committing the crimes?

  • The Broncos won. Clearly her prayers were answered in God’s own way…

  • And this was approved by local government? And who is funding these and plans to fund them in the future? Who answers the telephone and pretends to be Jesus? And why are churches still exempt from taxes when they want to control the government?

  • What a complete waste of taxpayer dollars.

  • Is the photo on the left showing a cracked glass left-hand side panel?
    Why didn’t God protect the glass from breakage, is Satan in charge of planet Earth?

  • ¡El colmo de la ldiotez!

  • ¡El colmo de la santurronería!

  • I believe God has bigger things to worry about then a football game. Do you think he cares who wins or loses?? This woman is delusional if she thinks God is going to listen to her prayers to harm someone. There are people dying, starving, being raped, children hurt and abused ALL over the world. And self-absorbed people like this woman prays about a game. Yeah, priorities. Thank God, He has better things to do.

  • Apparently Kansas stripped Matthew out of their bible. Matthew 6:5 – “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get.”

  • but not enough money to feed and educate children. THIS is what cultural decadence looks like, folks. Not like a drag queen.

  • For those who haven’t read the bible and don’t want to mess up, I think the disclaimer should have included Matthew 6 where Jesus specifically directed not to pray in the streets!

    “Beware of practicing your piety before others in order to be seen by them…”

    “And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others.”

  • Just….wow…..stupidity at it’s finest!

  • I can’t believe people keep falling for these things. This is a joke. If you click on the author link and check other articles written by the same guy for the same publication, he has also written about a Kansas man who shot down an Amazon drone and a combined goldfinch/beagle mutant hybrid created by the Japanese.

    A church in my neighborhood does have one of these prayer booths in front of it, but it’s an old phone booth that the church repurposed.

  • Don’t get me wrong, I am a believer in the power of prayer and all, but I also believe that God doesn’t need you to be in a designated place with heavy signage, to do it. I’ve prayed in public uncountable times without the need for such a device nor the need to show off that I was indeed, communing with God
    I personally think that this is a method for the holier-than-thous to try to make their prayer time more about showing off their “superiority” to non believers or those less obtrusive with our faith.
    Also, not every taxpayer is of the same religion. Many are of no religion at all. Why should they have to pay just so other people can make a show of their religion. ESPECIALLY in light of the fact that many of the type of people who pushed for this are the same ones that try to use religion as an excuse to not pay their share towards the public welfare.
    This isn’t just an insult to taxpayers, it trivializes God.

    • KUDOS! I’m usually the first to point out when people are wigging out over a parody paper… and this one not only got me, but led me to another article I mistook for valid. It took me a bit before I actually decided to check out Topeka News more deeply and found it was a joke site. Snowed a few of my friends who usually catch it, too, including one that works for another parody site. Mad props to TN! You “got” some pretty hard people to “get”.

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