NFL Releases Gay Friendly Jeff Backus Pants, Viewership Hits Record Numbers

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New NFL pants are giving an entirely new meaning to 'tight end'.

Massive thighs quivering in pure exhaustion, Detroit tackle Jeff Backus bends over and gives viewers an eyeful of hard-earned muscles and mid-game sweat.

At first glance, it may seem just like another NFL moment to the casual armchair captain.  But a cultural analyst will realize that there is a NFL conspiracy to up the views of the gay community and also women.  And, it seems, the ploy is working.

By the time the Sunday game between the Broncos and Steelers took place, gay viewers and women had already received the memo.  Nielsen ratings show that with the new viewer groups tuning in en masse to catch them some sweaty backside beefcake, the NFL had its greatest opening Sunday in 14 years.

The new gay-friendly NFL uniforms are the brainchild of Nike, who took over as NFL supplier when the famed decade Reebok contract ended.

 

Nike tried to defend its uniform as everything but a blatant attempt to attract more gay viewers:  “Designed and engineered from the inside out, the new uniform focuses on creating a system where the baselayer, padding, jersey and pant work in concert.”

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