Sadly, we can see the British Empire is up to their old ways again. Itching to ‘increase the wealth and power of the United Kingdom, to forge a strong, wealthy future for the royal grandson Prince George’, Prince William was apparently commissioned by Queen Elizabeth II to find new lands filled with gold and other exotic wealth.
The Royal Family has been in dire straights, forced to cut back on lining their numerous castles with gold and silver, instead having to shop at Ikea and buying buy one, get one free art pieces from Michael’s to adorn their walls. Prince William allegedly expressed shame that his mistress wife Kate Middleton and his son were forced to recently move into an apartment of Kensington Palace.
“It is customary that a pending king be able to give unto his wife a castle and legion of bowing followers, groveling before her as she enters her court. I can only give her upper-middle class amenities, at best. This will end,” a furrow-browed William reported to The Daily Mail.
As expected, the locals worship me, Queen Grandmother – Prince William tweet on events
Prince William set-sail late Friday, taking several Royal Guard choppers with his naval escort to discover ‘lands to the South’. William eventually landed in what we know as modern-day Madagascar. Officials of Madagascar met knew of his arrival and greeted him with a native song-and-dance, which Prince William instantly mistook for being worshiped as the island nation’s Lord and Savior.
One of the so-called ‘natives’, Damtubu Namtobi, reported on the incident after carrying Prince William around. Namtobi works as a staffer for Madagascar’s Ministry of State. “I got called-in to work at the crack of dawn because spoiled ass Prince William was visiting and demanding a royal treatment, apparently. He got it stuck in his mind that he was to be carried around and I cannot believe they talked me into helping do just that. This is some b.s. You hear me? Wait till I upload these damned pictures to my Facebook. People are going to flip. He really think we primitive or something.”
[adsense]Namtobi reports William allegedly firmly petted him and several colleagues on the shanks, saying that they could fetch a sterling price back in the British markets.
Madagascar’s Minister of Foreign Relations reports Prince William has also already demanded a tribute of gold and ‘1,000 clean women, to bring home for my bidding’. Royal historian Rex Grumsworth is not surprised by the outlandish behavior of the usually police and refined prince.
“Somwhere in the royal line, around his age, they all go crazy with power. It was only a matter of time before his genetic instinct to conquer and call everything he sees ‘a new discovery’ was bound to kick in. This is probably just the beginning.”
Kate Middleton joins William and applauds as she watches her ‘new subjects’ bring her gifts of thatched bamboo carpets and sparkling gems.
Being whisked about on his throne, Prince William vowed to locals that he would ‘ensure you a proud lifetime of serving the Crown and your young Lord, Prince George.’
William and Kate continued their whirlwind tour of island nations, surveying all the ‘new territory of the British Empire.
London insiders report that Prince William is also interested in visiting the land of Detroit, in the Americas. William allegedly feels that the ‘people in that fallen land must once again find the warm embrace of their King Father.’