Ted Cruz Demands ‘Obama Put The Quran Down’, Raises Army of 1 Million Old Tea Party Vets to Storm the White House
When angry Tea Party vets have donned their confederate grays and angrily shout between greedy chugs of Pabst Blue Ribbon, you can only expect it will get this interesting.
Washington, DC – In an unprecedented display of Judas Iscariotism, Hispanic Senator Ted Cruz mustered a million-man army to converge upon DC and attack the White House.
Amazingly, the million man army put on a show of power by taking down police barricades erected around public parks and building throughout the city, defiantly throwing fence posts, barricade gates and cones upon the White House lawn.
Senator Ted Cruz’s million man Tea Party Army quickly stole upon Washington, DC, finding no resistance from standard federal troops since the government is in shutdown.
Veterans stormed the White House, terrifying Obama with their heartfelt displays of defiance conducted under the banner ‘Don’t Tread on Me’.
Some veterans opted to dress as iconic American hero Captain America.
Rouse, President Obama mustered an old-school militia to go out and defy the crowd. Fox News naturally reports that Obama’s militia arrested thousands of the protesters, having their horses angrily huff the ground and charge at the riled-up American citizens in a bid to scare them into fleeing.
But Ted Cruz’s men held their ground, the bulk of them older vets of old wars.
Obama (center of horse riders) rides out with a small regimen of his powerful militia, daring the small crowd of ‘rebel rousers’ to fully storm the White House.
One onlooker reported: ‘The sea of people was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to return his soup at the deli.’ The crowd was angry and heckled Obama as he strode around on horseback. One member of the crowd used a noisemaker to spook Obama’s horse, angering the president and allegedly causing him to retreat back to the White House.
Minutes later, Obama unleashed his feared gulag prison units, a titanium steel war machine of oppression the Tea Party long foretold he harbored in the bowels of the White House for such a rally.
As veterans continued their March on Washington, Senator Ted Cruz and several key power members of the Tea Party assembled an impromptu stage, where they used loudspeakers pointed toward the White House to voice their demands of surrender to Obama.
After an opening prayer by former Governor and VP candidate Sarah Palin, where she pray God ‘impeach Obama and get a good man like Bush in there again’, Ted Cruz took to the rostrum.
“Obama”, Cruz said through gritted teeth, “I can do this all day!”
“Demand One. Put that Quran down!”
The crowd exploded into an hour long session of classic rebel hollers, the fury explosion of which had not rang out since the Civil War.
Upon hearing Cruz’s demands, Obama ordered his quickly assembled militia to take on the armed contingents of Cruz’s forces:
Obama’s well trained militia was too much a match for angry Tea Party conservatives, who were easily gunned down by trained Secret Service marksmen wielding tranquilizer guns.
Ted Cruz allegedly held a wrinkled portrait of Jefferson Davis, openly weeping as he watched his die-hard followers quelled by Obama’s militia forces. Still, Cruz remains defiant in his efforts to start a Civil War and DC takeover in a DC that is still not defended by standard federal troops.