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Does Wrestling Have A Secretly Gay Undertone/Agenda?

Is your husband addicted to watching MMA and UFC fighting?  If so, he may be secretly gay.

I came upon this realization after several deacons from my church invited me to Buffalo Wild Wings, where we took in a ‘fight’ between  Demetrious ‘Mighty Mouse’ Johnson and Jose Benavidez.  These two lads were strapping:  chiseled muscles glistening underneath the arena lights, the wild crowd and commentators fueling energy into the venue vis-a-vis their pulsing adrenaline and screaming.

Ah, the match was truly invigorating, thrown punches and kicks showing the pinnacle of human defense ability.  But then something strange happened:  the Johnson fella provocatively grabbed Benavidez by his secret parts and rolled around with him on the mat.  Such a provocative display was an odd impromptu display of homosexual eroticism and then I noticed:  a good 60% of the guys at Buffalo Wild Wings became oddly quiet and nervous, licking their tongues over their lips as the two combatants locked in a struggle of strained muscles and painful grunts.  I could tell homosexual tension was rising in the air.

Even at my table, with my deacons and some of our college students, I was shocked:  their eyes were locked on the tv and not looking away, eyes obviously squinted and warding the sights away with flailing hands like they should have done.  One Deacon, we’ll call him Deac Sam to keep his identity protected, he was really into it:  “I hope he pins him real good and chokes him out.”

I felt nauseous at what I was seeing:  somehow, this UFC/MMA fighting was breeding secret homosexuality, grooming even my deacons to lust for increased tensions in the match.  Then I got to thinking:  what does MMA really stand for?

I prayed and had this put into my heart:  MMA stands for Male-Male Ana*.  That’s right.  I know it is true in my faith and guts, so you just have to accept that.  Then the UFC:  Ultimate Fondle Contest.  The secret meanings behind MMA/UFC may be shocking for you, but just one look at the fight and you know these words are truth.

Two fighters grappling in a mixed martial arts...

Two fighters grappling in a mixed martial arts event. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1.  Before the match, we were treated to a staredown and borderline kissing.  This is well within the ‘personal bubble’ any man should demand, especially from his bros.  This is not acceptable ‘bros’ behavior here, yet somehow thrown in the wild phrase “MMA’ or “UFC Wrestling” and all of a sudden it is okay?  Hmm.

2.  Suckling the Manta – Here it appears Johnson has grabbed Benevidez by his secret parts and is suckling his manta.  If I don’t want to see a mother feeding her child like this, why would I want to see two grown men doing something like this.  It is all revered and wrong.  This is like a mom feeding from the baby?  I am so confused right now and this is not normal, is it? What would you do if you saw your husband and his old college roomie doing this?

At this point, I left my credit card with Deac Sam and just ran off.

UFC/MMA/Wrestling.  The triumvirate of sporting homosexuality.   Women, beware.  Wives, beware.  The lure of the homosexual lifestyle is a sweet and tempting one, a decadent piece of velvet cheesecake waiting in the fridge while you are on a strict diet.

Just one bite, or one look, and your husband might just want to take a bite.