Pot and Psychosis, A Harrowing Reality for All Stoners: Science

‘Those who smoke marijuana at least once were more than twice as likely to develop schizophrenia as those who had never smoked pot. The heaviest users (who use marijuana more than 50 times) are six times as likely to develop schizophrenia as the nonsmokers.’ – Harvard

Psychologists have finally mapped the truth we’ve known all along: there is a 100% correlation between pot and psychosis. Correlation begets causation, meaning that a primary source of new medical encounters for psychotic patients have pot smoking to blame as the main contributing factor.

For years our top-tier Christian universities have pegged the primary cause of schizphrenia and psychosis on pot smoking. Every parent should know that despite radical left-wign propoganda that states pot-smoking is less dangerous than alcohol, the illicit plant is robust and dangerous, oft times leading to death.  But what cannot be overlooked are our recent studies which prove that pot can be a slow-burn killer, whittling down the mind of your child to the point of brain damage and mental illness over time.

Teens and young adults who light up a doobie reefer and smoke it are damaging their minds in ways they never realize.  Evidence shows that just one ‘hit’ of the heinous herb will usually cause mild psychosis, which gateways into various mood disorders and flight of thoughts.  It is common for pot smokers to think that their television is sending off secret signals and that the Republican party of the US government is always masterminding some horrible conspiracy, such as 9/11 or the moon-landing. Of course any person who believes such to be true is a brain-damaged lunatic and sadly, this drug that has been legalized in Colorado is to blame.

The stats are shocking:  of 2,000 pothead teenagers and young adults, the lot of them were found to be 5 times more likely to be psychotic.

This new evidence will be presented before the Anti-Marijuana Caucus’ D.C. lobby and will be forefront in Congressional agenda and attention at the beginning of the next fiscal session of legislative proceedings.

Due to the troubling nature of this news, every parent is responsible in taking swift and decisive action to save their child from marijuana addiction and lifelong mental illness.

What If My Child is a Psychotic Marijuana Boofer?  What Do I Do?

Admitting that your child is psychotic and marijuana is to blame is tough for all parents.  You may first find yourself saying, “Not my child, I am overanalyzing things.”

But you cannot deny the signs and symptoms:  sassy, bipolar attitude.  Using weird language such as ‘fantabulous’ ‘magic mint’ and ‘schwag daddy’.  Lazy.  Foul, offensively poor hygiene of nails and ears.  Always coughing and flushed.  Self-touching.   Secretive and possessive over bedroom.  Argues if you routinely grab clothing from their laundry, especially if you are deeply inhaling to see if any residual scents of spent pot remains.  Obscessed with a steroid toking band named Insanity Clown’s Posse (ICP) and chugging a liquid marijuana beverage named Faygo.  Always broke and begging for money.  Offensive, loose fitting clothing.  Strong like for cats.

If your child is showing any of these symptoms, do not make the mistake of letting it go on for too long.  Studies prove that with every marijuana unit ingested, your child’s brain breaks down a bit more and comes closer to complete madness.  Time is of the essence.  A brave intervention with law enforcement for backup, just in case your child has a likely marijuana-induced psychotic break, is both wise and looking out for the best interest of your child.