Krokodil Marijuana to Blame for Government Shutdown

It goes by many street names:  killer kroc, the ‘munchy kroc’.  Crocodile kush.  No matter the moniker, like all forms of marijuana ‘the chronic crocodile’ is addictive and deadly.  It causes the mind to hallucinate and just one molecular whiff of the stuff can alter your reality.  So what does this have to do with the government shutdown?  Everything.

Only days before key Republicans ironically threatened to shut the government down, they sat on a panel with various left-wing radical representatives from Big Tobacco.   While the delegation spoke to the Senate and House’s committee for a drug free America, making a case that marijuana should not be considered a drug but a possible bumper crop to boost America’s economy, they were not allowed to smoke their spliffers.

But Senator Ted Cruz commented, “I could smell the skunky scent coming off their non dry-cleaned suits.  It made me feel a little dizzy.”  Little bits of krocodil marijuana wafted off the suits of the lobbyists and into the nose of men like Senator Ted Cruz, instantly rotting the flesh of his brain and temporarily hurting his critical thinking skills.

Confused and bewildered, we all saw the embarrassing 21-hour speech Ted Cruz gave, rambling on and on like a local homeless you have to shoo away as he annoys you with rambling words outside your favorite coffee shop.  Senator Cruz was a victim of marijuana exposure.  All of the Republican members of Congress, including Speaker Boehner, are the victims of marijuana exposure.

Red-eyed and giggly, House Speaker Boehner knows not what he does.  Whiffs of second-hand krocjuana have altered his mind and make him no more trustworthy than a ornery Depends-wearing grandpa who just mussed himself and is giggling about it, dementia making it all okay for him.  He cannot be held responsible for being behind the government shutdown, he was ‘not himself’.

This week, we can tell the marijuana is wearing off because they are being more logical, actually trying to peacefully end the shutdown and compromising, like all us GOP members are famously known to do.  But while that marijuana still leaves traces in their bloodstream, they cannot think clearly and they are violent.  They are so messed up in the head, they would risk destroying America just to get revenge on Obama. Typical marijuana induced anger and violence, is my professional opinion of what we’re seeing.

But let’s talk about facts.  Fact, Senator Ted Cruz and Speaker Boehner are victims of marijuana.  When the shutdown is ended by the two, let medical tests be conducted and you will find their blood-marijuana level blows at a 0.0%.  They will be clean and therefore they will be back to being logical.

So when this government shutdown ends, my friends, let’s not chastise and point fingers.  Let us be adults and look at the real culprit:  marijuana.  Receive this blessing, my flock.

Blessed is he who puts blame where blame is due.  Senator Ted Cruz and Speaker Boehner are good men.  Decent men.  Men who want what is best for America.  Trying to blame them or other victims of second-hand killer kroc marijuana smoke for the government shutdown is despicable, abhorrent and irresponsible.  Marijuana is to blame for the government shutdown.