Lil Wayne Hears His Music For First Time, Has Seizure And Nearly Dies in ICU

‘Professional’ rapper Lil’ Wayne got a taste of his own music today and the results were not pretty.  The “Yeah!’ rapper who has revolutionized a generation of music with poignant lyrics like “Rock n Roll Jesus with all my nails on
All I need is a blunt and a bail bond” found himself fighting for life in an ICU, all after getting a load of his music.

You see, Lil’ Wayne is what people from my generation call ‘crap’.  That is, the thing your dog expels from his body when he awkwardly arches his back and stamps his feet, letting loose a toxic fury that you can only be happy is landing on your neighbor’s lawn instead of your home’s carpet.

The incident happened only hours ago, as Lil’ Wayne was singing autographs for his fans.  One of them had headphones on and Wayne purportedly asked the teen ‘What are you listening to that can be more important than hearing me?’

Misunderstanding Wayne’s greedy lip movements with his ears impaired, the teen mistook the question and allegedly answered, “You can never guess the song.”

Wayne assumed the teen was listening to someone else and quickly snatched the headsets to place on his own ears.  Much to his surprise, he heard his own voice.  The voice was so horrible and ornery sounding, that it caused Lil’ Wayne to immediately have panic seizures.  His handlers tried to hold him in place, but the seizure was so powerful it was ruled a grand mal.

The song that caused the seizure is Mirror, a piece put together by Lil’ Wayne and another Jackson-five looking singer, Bruno Mars.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MUSIC IS HORRIBLE AND HAS CAUSED A MAN TO HAVE A SEIZURE. PLEASE TAKE CAUTION AND DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS SONG ON FULL VOLUME.

Doctors say Wayne is expected to recover but he may have lost some brain function and speech abilities, which is apparently not even needed any more to become a ‘rapper’.  Whatever the case, we wish Lil’ Wayne the best in his recovery.