Marijuana Hangover To Blame for Denver Broncos Embarrassing Loss

Usually drug-marinated by the ethers of marijuana, here we see a gloss-eyed Peyton Manning experiencing marijuana hangover and failing the Broncos.

East Rutherford, New Jersey –  I hate to say I told you so, Denver, Colorado, but I told you so.

All year long, I watched as the Broncos easily roll and ‘Omaha!’ past every team’s wobble-knee defense, I could not help but think something was amiss.

In the NFL I knew and loved, there was no way an injured, ailing quarterback could pull the moves of Peyton Manning.  I remember when the great, simply legendary, Joe Montana tried a late career Super Bowl run in Kansas City, he ended with 3 broken ribs and a playoff loss.

He earned the nickname “Glass Joe”, because at around Peyton’s age, the toil of an NFL career really starts to show.

But somehow, Peyton, and all his sub-par Broncos, were setting NFL records and just playing at levels above peak human conditioning and performance.   It was as if they had some sort of edge.

And that edge is marijuana.

Marijuana dampens the pain receptors of the body, giving guys like Peyton Manning and Knowshon Moreno the ability to play while greatly injured.  The people of Colorado legalized marijuana in a bid so that they could form ‘pot circles’ around Mile High Stadium all season, letting their ball club train in marijuana rich condition and play with some form of cannabis in their system.  This gave the Broncos the ‘opiate edge’ in physical prowess and mental clarity.

When you hear about the great writers and philosophers, Ernest Hemmingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald and Bill O’Reilly, you will oft hear that they may have smoked a little mary j to hop their baseline human abilities.  This is done because though it is deadly, marijuana is also a performance enhancing drug.  It heightens human abilities to unfair levels, but once a dose of it is missed, it calls rebound effects, so the body’s lack of smarts or athleticism is greatly exaggerated.

And that is what we saw last night.  The Broncos were not allowed access to marijuana in over two weeks.  Peyton Manning has the intelligence of Homer Simpson out there, wide-eyed and not able to process all the real-time sights and sounds passed into his brain.  He is simply in a state of shock and confusion.

And then look at the rest of the team:  dropping passes, fumbling, unable to coordinate their muscles to make one tackle on the Seahawks, who mind you, are on a very limited marijuana exposure regimen themselves.