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3 Day Old McDonald’s Food Sprouts Legs, Has Fight To the Death

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A crusted, 3-day old packet of old McDonald’s fries spontaneously came to life and scared dozens of customers at a Florida area McDonald’s.

Store workers claim that the packet of fries “must have fallen behind the garbage bag” and avoided being discarded on the day of service.  Constructed of chemicals unknown, the fries emerged from the trash bin early Wednesday morning, nursing a wound to one of the fries like appendages.

“It was surreal,” reports Shanika Thomas, lead cashier at the Naples, Florida chain.  “The fries staggered out from the trash can, scaring the living s##t out of us like this was some damned ghost hunters episode.  But then a little packet of of Fancy Ketchup came springing out, wildly lunging at the injured fry legs.”

Thomas continued, “At first I thought maybe it was a roach in that ketchup, but soon it became clear that it too had sprang to life.  We compared the outside of the ketchup to past packaging, it it turns out it is Reagan-era from 1986.”

The fight between the old ketchup packet and fries spilled out onto a busy street, where onlookers claim both of the combatants were run over by a semi.