It has come to the attention of the world powers that the Ukraine has plenty of a new type of oil called natural gas. For those who are investors in oil futures, procurement of natural gas to diversify your portfolio is quite easy to do through your existing channels.
But all this will not happen if the damned Soviet Russians have any say in the matter.
As we speak, Putin moves to secure the natural gas rich region of Crimea. The people of Ukraine voted in a democratic election for a leader with Republican Christian ideals. This was clearly these people giving indication that they want to assimilate to American mores, lifestyle and values. They no longer wish to be uncouth.
For this reason, America must declare an occupation of freedom in the Ukraine. We must again answer the call to contain Soviet communism through whatever means necessary. We must rally the world to again unite against a great communist threat.
I believe America can begin its peace mission by sending 80,000 troops to the Eastern regions of Ukraine. With our economy still recovering from the Obama-induced recession, there are many poor families who can’t afford to send their sons and daughters to college, so these youths will be free to complete this tour of action and earn themselves an education when they get home from their peacekeeping.
Such a show of American force will cause the Russians to cower back to their non-G8 lands, cowering before the might of America’s economy. And America will be richer, for we will save a nation full of decent people from Russian oppression and more importantly, have free access to all their great natural gas. We can even help them procure it straight from the ground with nice American contractors like Halliburton.