As I continue in my duties as cultural protector, today I bring word of warning to all who may be tempted to smoke marijuana. You will hear potheads try to hilarioiusly use logic, saying that ‘pot is an herb of the Earth, we smoked it 8000 years ago’. This logic is patently hilarious, because 1, 8,000 years ago we have empirical faith proving that humans did not exist. That was not until about 6,000 years ago.
Next, the fallacy of pot smokers is that they argue if something occurs ‘naturally’ then it must be good for you. By that logic, it would make sense for every pot smoker to make a nice salad comprised of poison ivy leaves, their tongues prepped for the meal by licking the skin of a South American poison dart frog. That is to say, just because something occurs in nature it does not make it good for you.
With the pot reasoning shut down, I want to get into the meat of my story today that I have made to scare young people from trying out pot. You must realize that my words are at times a work of calumniation, but in this war it is truly the ends that justify the means. Young people are visual learners and the following image will stick with them. Look at what happened to Mark Zuckerberg just after smoking one of these marijuana sticks.
In the image to the left, you can see a brilliant CEO. The intelligence gleams from his powerful and focused eyes. Look at the crisp suit that adorns his healthy, handsome body. With that all American smile, one feels confident about the future of America’s economy and dominance over lesser countries.
Look now to the right, and we see the power of marijuana. Instantly we can see Zuckerberg’s eyes are glossed over, like a street vendor you may find slinging lettuce on the streets of Tijuana. Look at his shirt. He picked it up off his cat-littered floor and staggered into work, smelling of Axe, spent marijuana bundles and cat urine. Zuckerberg has been married to an extremely beautiful women for over a year, but has still produced no kids: weed is surely to blame. The libido of a man is killed with every puff of marijuana, as a later study from a colleague will review.
The faces of marijuana are a scary thing. They show what can happen to anyone, from the poor college student, the high school prom queen, the billionaire software mogul and to you. Do not let your face become one that is marred by marijuana. The road to recovery is long and hard and few find it. Marijauna kills 100% of those who smoke it, so do not let it make you a statistic.