God Sets Skrillex Hair on Fire For Crappy Dubstep Music

Haywood Bynum III
• TopekasNews
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This week God has displayed his great power by setting Skrillex’s ridiculous hair aflame and making the clanker of metal think twice before producing any more ‘dubstep’.

No matter how patient the person, there is only so much you can take of hearing a toddler angrily clank pots and pans together.  And as the video up above shows, dubstep is an aggravating noise for The Man Upstairs.

 Like most ravers, Skrillex is a fan of the occult and the wicked.  Due to the Wicked nature of their carnal acts, these people call themselves “Wiccans” (a way they pronunciate the word in New Zealand, where the rave culture takes origin).

As he was doing a summoning spell, God caused a giant flame to leap from the fire pit and engulf Skrillex’s ridiculous haircut where half his head is shaved, the other half long like a 1980s era supermodel.

The kid looks like he doesn’t bathe very often, so I am counting him lucky that his oily skin did not combust as well.

I keep telling my kids that dubstep is not real music and that no one from my generation would have given it the time of day when we were young.  Back in my day, it took true talent to become a celebrity.  You couldn’t just throw on some all black gothy clothes, get a cheap haircut then sing like a possessed demon child while furiously banging around every object you can find, record it and then say you produced music.

You needed musical talent, practice and prowess.  Men and women like Ray Charles, Al Green, The Mamas and Papas, The Beatles, Roy Orbinson, America, Bee Gees, Jim Croce, Neil Diamond were good music.  They did not set back with mommy and daddy’s credit card, eagerly swiping it through the machine at Starbucks so they could guzzle $8 X3 lattes down their throat as they played with Audacity on their new Apple laptop daddy bought for college, but he didn’t know you secretly dropped out to have more time to mix midi noise with all the crap sounds you are trying to pass off as music!

Or to make a long story short, dubstep is not music.  I blow dust off 1980s Nintendo catridges 6 times in a row, to only to get them to work again and have the 8-bit sounds of Donkey Kong throwing barrels or Mario sliding down the flagpole like a little pixelated stripper, to only find his Princess isn’t there, to be better artistic music talent than Skrillex could ever muster in 50 years of producing his crap.

That said, don’t take my word for it.  We have an act of God showing that dubstep is crap and its leading ‘producer’ has had fire cast upon him to prove the point.

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