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God Smothers East Coast With Snowstorm, Colorado Marijuana To Blame

Man struck down with ice cold winds of wrath as God takes out his frustrations on America for legalizing marijuana.

 

People are literally being frozen in the streets!   God is huffing his breath and using his superpowers, blowing cold air and freezing people because America has legalized marijuana in the high state of Colorado!

Enjoy the wrath you have brought upon your fellow countrymen, Colorado!  Your greedy Bogarting of the unholy devil’s lettuce is making God even angrier with each purchase and puffy pass from your hedge shops!

 

Not even a day after Colorado officially legalized marijuana, we can God has put his great power on display!   The entire East Coast of America trembles in fear!  Their souls, frigid and forgotten!  And why is this happening!

 

Marijuana is the most annoying, dangerous and unnatural drug in the history of mankind.  It’s skunky scent makes the belly churn with disgust, while its vapors leave every second-hand victim coughing, at risk of lung cancer and in a lurid state of mind that leaves them violent, confused and dangerously drunk like a lusty co-ed on Spring Break in Cabo.

My friends, it is time for America to take drastic action.  Even while global warming is taking place, we can see God can cast an unbearable freeze upon humanity.

If I could add more chapters to the Bible, there would be the book of The Church of Colorado:  Marijuana Lusters.  It would go something like this:

1.  Verily I write to thee my brethren at the Church of Colorado.  You were once a part of the Bible Belt of America, but alas, you have fallen into the skunky pits of marijuana sins.  Selah.

2.  I, the Apostle Hayood Bynum III, list for you the wrath of God because of your sins.

3.  It was then in those days, that Colorado officially legalized the selling of marijuana, that God did bring these wraths down upon the fallen nation of America:  MINNESOTA 'WORST' DEEP FREEZE IN 20 YEARS... WINDCHILLS MAY HIT -50°