My dear friends, the angry wrath of Christian God is being witnessed in Topeka, Kansas. Today God’s power is on full display as he rains tormenting torrents of blinding snowfall upon the tiny midwest capital, surely punishing its most infamous citizens and churches for using his name in vain.
For years, the rest of America has put up with certain Topekans claiming that “God hates gays” and that implying that two of the same have no right to love one another, when the Bible clearly says to love thy neighbors as thyself. Selftouching and homosexual love is hardly a sin, and now God is showing just a flint of his power to warn those anti-gays “Thou shalt not bear false witness!”
Named the ‘Blizzard of Oz’ by Kansas First News’ meteorologist Tom Hagen, there is surely something mystical and magical the snowflakes that are sticking to every surface known to mankind. Weather service images from Topeka, Kansas, makes Governor Sam Brownback’s rarely seen good decision to declare a state of emergency for the state an obvious necessity.
All throughout town, there is not one member of any church holding up a sign, blaming the Blizzard of Oz on the gays. Loud and vocal local Baptist pastor Haywood Bynum did do his morning A.M. radio sermon, however, and stating that, “During these hard times, we must know that God is punishing us all for letting sinners sin in our midst. We are being buried alive in all this snow, because he is reminding us that not even hell’s flames can cool his wrath.”
Skywatch 13′s WIBW weather forecast predicted 11 – 12 inches of constant snowfall for the capital city, but new local reports indicate that the snow is falling faster than anticipated.
The city should be buried under 15 inches. Residents of the regions are advised to stay off the roads and to definitely bring all their pets inside and ensure they are in a warm, safe room with food and water.
Local atheist groups are rallying on Facebook and at the Capital Plaza, demanding that anyone who has in the past claimed that God ‘does not like gays’ apologize in public, so the blizzard does not get any worse. “Just in case.”
Public opinion polls of Topeka, to date, indicate that 84% of the city agrees that its most annoying residents are most likely responsible to incuring God’s wrath for this weather emergency.