Let me start this off by saying all men are jerks. Yes, jerks. Don’t think I am taking the woman side, I’m just calling the game how I see it. It’s the truth and we all pretty well know it. If you are a guy and you are thinking “I’m nice all the time, I don’t have any idea what Zero is talking about”, then you are lying about being a man. Go buy yourself some pink panties and download some Jewell, you scene girl.
Now that I have established the fact that we are all a bunch of jerks, we inevitably come to the point in life when we have to apologize to a woman for something we did. “What did you do, zero?” It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what any of us did. Maybe we misinterpreted a text message and went all ape nuts or accidentally backed over a cat and refused to take responsibility. Irrelevant. We are men, we WILL do something.
And you know what, guys? We are wrong. We are often so blinded by our own selfishness that we fail to see it. We try to rationalize it over beers with our friends. “Forget about her, man,” they say while sitting in the nearest barstool encouraging us to mess it up even more, “there are plenty of women. You don’t need her!”
But maybe you do need her. Maybe you need her more than anything in this world. That’s what that pain is. The one that makes you feel like your insides are being eaten by a crew of starving shipwrecked sailors. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. If you don’t know now, you will someday…
I can already hear the echoes of “pussywhipped” bouncing off the canyon walls. You can cut that out right now. I’m merely pointing out rationality. Jesus was the type of person to throw rocks at people who pointed out rationality. Don’t be like Jesus.
Women can be irrational too, but I’m not talking to the chicks. Stop trying to divert the attention elsewhere. It’s time to take your power animal out of your cave, shove a stick up his hocks, cook him, grill him, slap him on some Wonder Bread and have a nice late lunch. Like Tyler said, your pain is right here; right here in front of you. Handle it as such…
So remember this the next time your girl gets pissed at you; she probably has a very good reason. Take a few moments out of your day and stop being such a selfish ass. Remember who you are and who it is you are dealing with. For once, try to see the other point of view. Maybe even apologize and actually mean it.
So there you have it… this week’s rant. Just so you are sure, no part of this was written under threat, duress, or promise of harm to my collection of Star Wars Action Figures or winter stores of bacon. I just figured I’d throw something out there so some of you guys don’t mess everything all up for yourselves.