Is My Wife Having an Affair, Lesbianally?

Brent Reiker
• TopekasNews
Share on Tumblr [rpuplugin]
Overly quick to comfort, but in a condescending tone that would be used for a fussy toddler. This is but one of myriad signs that your wife may be engaged in a lesbian affair.

15 shocking secrets that husbands often miss about their wives can reveal her secret lesbian desires and affair. Is your wife cheating on you, with another woman? The shocking answers could be right before your eyes.

Every day, millions of married men shoulder great burdens of responsibility: a tough job, the dynamics of a modern family, maintaining great health in ageing body and bills in a tough economy. Of all these robust stressors of life, perhaps there is none more frightening and troubling than the thought of one’s wife having a physical or emotional affair.

With the advent of social sites such as Facebook and Twitter, the incidence of marital affairs has increased by over 20%. People can easily keep in touch, flirt and secretly build relationships behind the backs of a spouse.

And while the thoughts of a heterosexual affair will creep into even the most solid of marriages, in today’s time where beautiful, insightful women like Ellen DeGeneres and Rachel Maddow have become iconic heroes for the bored wife, we enter a world where power lesbian fantasy in our lifemates has a higher chance of playing out.

Is your wife a secret lesbian? The truth is essentially right before you. Analyze these 15 signs and take a good, deep look into the lifestyle of your wife. She may be telling you the truth in her actions.

1. Tries to talk you into watching True Blood marathons with her.

The world of lesbianism reaches the ultimate climax on television show True Blood. With characters boasting heaving, sweaty bodies and battles resulting in torn clothing, exhausted muscles and giving into the unwavering desires of sexual beasts of the night, this heart-racing sci-fi fantasy thriller has a track record of promoting lesbianism. If your wife is hooked and trying to get you to watch, she simply wants your stamp of approval in her fantasy of having Deborah Ann Wall dominating her into all hours of the night. Just beware, Nancy from Accounting at your wife’s job probably has the outfit and texts your wife about living this fantasy out.Studded nails may represent more than just a fashion trend to your Pinterest-obscessed wife. Browse your wife’s followers on Pinterest and take note of how many of them constantly post DIY recipes (to change body pH levels), nail ‘tip’ ideas (ribbing) and hairstyling tips (to remove hair from face in cute ways). These are all signs of hidden lesbianism in your wife

2. Has ‘liked’ DIY Nails, hairstyle and baking boards on Pinterest.

In the world of lesbianism, ‘finger ribbing’ is a fact of pleasurable reality. Women will rib their fingers with subtlety, usually without a husband taking much notice. A fact of lesbian intimacy is that women tend to grow long fingernails, as they can be expertly used to pleasure. To a husband, nail styling may seem simple and mundane as a wife changing her hairstyle or trying out new recipes. What you cannot overlook is that nails, endless new hairstyles on ridiculously attractive women (especially those that ‘bob’ the hair from the face) and recipes (which changes the body’s pH bodies in intimate areas) are all tell-tell signs of hidden lesbianism.

3. Religiously plays Facebook games, especially Farmville.

Facebook games are the new Match.com and Craigslist.com. In the early 2000s, it was easy to bust a spouse seeking out a ‘stranger nooner’ on one of these sites. Today, it’s the traded goods, ‘invasions’ and sharing done on the farmer’s homestead that can reveal your wife’s secret enigma box of affairs. To alert her new partner you are gone, your wife may ‘share’ a piece of random farm equipment, like a hammer, to signal ‘come over’. You will never catch the subtle gesture, but it’s foolproof and untraceable to most.

4. Kisses with a forcefully strong tongue and lips.

Acts of lesbianism result in strong lip embrasure. To perform all the acts associated with the lifestyle, lesbians eventually develop very strong oral abilities. Listen to the crisp, precise way Jane Lynch or Rose O’Donnell deliver their lines. There is no hesitation or slurring of words: always precise, always crisp of tongue. Your wife’s manner of speaking will become more exact and her kissing more powerful the more she’s pleasuring her partner.

5. A messy car that doesn’t always smell fresh.

Your wife will start caring less about her personal life, the more she fantasizes about her woman. She may start taking on some behaviors of a teenage boy, such as throwing empty sacks of food in the backseat, maybe leaving her perfume and makeup on the passenger side floor or using cubby holes in the car as makeshift garbage cans. Unless your wife is keeping her car very clean, there is a very good chance she’s dabbling in lesbianism.

6. obsessive interest in doing pilates and sculpting her backside.

As a marriage progresses, your wife gets comfortable with you. No one remembers the exact moment when announcing you have to massively use the restroom or undercover gas at night became a part of daily routine: it’s just how marriage works. As such, in a healthy marriage a bit of a belly or looser backside is not a shameful thing. If your wife starts to become obsessed with meeting her pilates instructor, doing gluteal squeezes in the mirror or wearing yoga pants in public, she’s likely trying to entice other women to give her a good hard look and perhaps a random fling.

7. Makes playful banter about being turned on by ‘pretty’ celebrity men (e.g., Alfonso Ribeiro, John Stamos, Bill Murray, Zachary Ty Bryan, Omar Gooding, Mark Curry, Bronson Pinchot, Reginald Vel Johnson, among many others)

The list of men here is hardly all-inclusive: there are plenty of good-looking, handsome men in Hollywood. These men look so good and perfect, that many say they almost have a feminine essence about themselves. But all of these men listed are just out of the reality for normal women and as such, would be hardly mentioned in conversation. To a woman with lesbian thoughts, however, it’s hard not to imagine John Stamos yelling his own name in a moment of ecstasy with her. In a woman’s fantasy, these men represent the perfect balance of feminine perfection in complexion and hygiene, yet with enough ruggedness to bring your masculinity to the fore. To your wife, beautiful men like these allow them to fantasize about their growing lesbian tastes while still clinging onto you.

8. Randomly altering sleep number on both sides of the bed.

Once you find your sleep number, it should rarely have to be changed. Sleep Numbers tend to last for a lifetime. Unless your wife has thrown her back or is pregnant, there is no real good reason she should be altering her sleep number more than maybe one or twice per year. If you find your bed’s sleep numbers are wildly altered, then you may have a secret case of Momma Bears wanting things a bit more soft for their dalliances.

9. Takes too long in the bathroom.

Women who take too long in the bathroom are usually up to something. If your wife takes a cell phone with her to the bathroom, she is either texting or secretly calling her lesbian lover. If you suspect your wife is lesbian, hold your ear to the door the next time she randomly runs off to the restroom. You will probably hear the clicking of phone keys, subtle and muted voices and a lack of a flush when she’s all done. If you randomly open the door when you hear her pulling up her pants, you’ll likely find her taking looks at her backside.

10. A deep, hearty whiff of her clothing and sitting areas reveal foreign perfumes and oddly musked sweats.

With all the licking that takes place in a lesbian relationship, the bacterial balance of the body’s surface is altered. This will result in one’s wife changing up perfumes or fervently spraying the house down with Febreeze or filling the air with strong incents. If you sniff your wife’s favorite perch on the loveseat or her side of the bed, taking a deep whiff into the fabrics with your nose, you will smell hints of a slightly off undercarriage mixed with heavy perfumes. This is a blatant sign of an affair.

11. She becomes distant/dodgy at least once per month.

At least once per month, you may find your wife becomes very cranky, moody or averted to sexual contact with you. While many women may try to blame these actions on their monthly cycles, deep-down they are having an affair of the heart. If you notice your wife acting different, do a simple test. After being turned down for intimacy or receiving a scathing response from her when asking if she’s cheating on you, offer to take her to her favorite restaurant or suggest she go out with some of her favorite friends to catch a movie to relax. When you suddenly see her mood shift, know that she’s pulling a fast one on you.

12. Refuses to wear panties or bra at random, especially with a skirt.

The old college-adage of ‘easy-access’ clothing is not just some urban legend: it is a reality. If your wife suddenly decides going commando to work or out-and-about town with her friends is a good thing, she’s just saving herself potential evidence that you may come along and whiff later. Most women today prefer the firm security of a good pair of panties and brassiere.

13. Acts overly concerned when you are having a bad day, but in odd condescending way.

Lesbians tend to become smug over time. Being liberated from the notion of needing a man for pleasure or to raise a family, lesbians feel a unique sense of empowerment over a species member they really have no real use for on an intimate level. Just like a man may feel he’s the alpha among his friends, a lesbian wife will start to take on ‘alpha’ tendencies in the household. If your wife ever pets your head or uses a ‘comfort-voice’ on you that’s more fitting for a toddler pouting about not getting his second nommy-wafer before naptime, beware. Your wife is probably seeing you as expendable.

14. Chooses different or inappropriate music for her ring tone.

If your wife has Carly Rae Jepson or Justin Bieber as a ringtone, hidden lesbianism may be the least of your worries. Most grown women use the same ring tone for every caller, every situation. Any deviance from this norm represents a problem in the marriage and a potential affair, and perhaps even trying to screen calls without your noticing.

15. Becomes increasingly sarcastic and ironic in pointedly liberated humor.

Tied directly into #14, the more sarcastic, witty and funny your wife becomes, the more likely she has toyed with lesbianism. If you feel like you’re dating a Jewish Betty White, where the blend of humor, insight to life and quips make you feel like you’re living in a televised sitcom family, you are probably married to a secret lesbian.

[/fancylist]

Lesbianism in women is not a bad thing at all, but it could become a gateway drug to full out affairs with other men when mixed into marriage. For this reason, if you are married and it is important to sit down and have the hard talk with your wife. If you find she’s exhibiting any of the aforementioned habits, ask her if she’s a secret lesbian. Where you go from there is an important decision, but the best way is to have her have one last lesbian fling that you’re a part of and then vow to quit cold turkey. It will heal wounds on both sides.

Editor’s Note: The prior article is in response to a question received in Ask Topeka, the August quarterly issue.

Tags:

Facebook Conversations