World of Warcraft: Halo 4 is quickly becoming a lead candidate in explaining the rise of gun violence in America. The dangerous video game series is so realistic and addictive that not even President Obama can contain his excitement as a loyal voter hands him over a copy of the MMPORG.
Bethesda, Maryland – If we are going to pin the blame of the modern rise of gun violence on anyone or anything, we have to look deep into a new release by Blizzard’s dangerous new video game series World of Warcraft: Halo 4. WoW: Halo 4 is a first-person shooter (FPS) type game that is so realistic and engrossing, it puts the mind into the same type of cold-blooded trance that we saw in soliders returning home from Vietnam.
The game’s backstory is purely Sci-Fi enough: there is an ancient race of mystic orcs named the Forerunners. They seek to destroy the universe and at the zenith of humanity’s first evolution over 200,000 years ago, come to Earth to enslave the sentient life they find on the planet. To their surprise, humanity is highly evolved and able to fight them near evenly. The Forerunners then create a weapon called the Composer that turns humans into monstrous beasts called Prometheans, the basis for humanity’s later Greek mythology and ‘explanation’ for dinosaur bones found within Earth’s deep mantles.
The Prometheans are used to wage war on the rest of humanity and at battle’s end, the defeated humans of Earth are forced into hiding within caves and stripped of all technology. The Forerunners then leave the planet, to go on to the next and ensure no advanced life but themselves exist. Hundreds of thousands of years later, humanity finds an archive detailing these facts and set-off, determined to get revenge on the Forerunners should they still exist and one day threaten to return to Earth again.
This land’s the game’s main character — Master Chief — and his digital lover, a computer named Cortana, on a space mission to an ancient planet named Requiem. There is nothing dreamy about this world other than the stunning graphics, because the amount of bloodshed and violence the player’s soon engage outdo any shock and horror of all real-life war combined.
The National Rifle Association (NRA) helped develop this game, explaining the sick and sadistic choices of gun arsenal this FPS lets its players fantasize about wielding and using on the innocent. Everything from Knight Elf arrows to tommy guns, Master Chief can carry an endless arsenal of death in his camo backpack. After hours of exposure, any person becomes addicted to the guns and unable to distinguish fact from reality. This especially holds true to the violence-prone teens who enjoy MMPORGs such as this.
Subliminal messaging – The advanced Halo 4 Facetime processing engine uses the XBOX Kinect technology, making it a virtual reality machine where your son or daughter interact with complete strangers and can feel the actions of other players worldwide. Here, a young woman is being told to ‘REACH’ in seductive letters, meaning she has to reach and take off a piece of clothing as she acts out the part of Cortana, the mistress and ‘tension relief’ for Master Chief after a long mission. You can see this is all captured on camera and that players worldwide can see each other in real time.
When under the influence of this game, people are not in their right minds: fantasy and reality become one, in their heads, they are constantly in a state of arousal and primal violence, perhaps much like our ancient ancestors who bayed at the moon while clubbing women over the head for a night of ‘romance’.
My dear friends and gullible parents who have let their children or family buy this game, let us all be frank and discuss the basic truth I am speaking of today. Video games breed violence, so as consumers, it is our responsibility to ban games like Halo 4 from all stores and shelves. We must be responsible and keep the eager hands of teens away from this game.
If the threat of it causing your family to become addicted to gun violence is not scary enough, think about all the illicit, explicit things they can do with the Kinect touching ability this game has. If your daughter is playing the part of Cortana, a stranger halfway around the world can physically see her, her gaming avatar and feel her giving him a message on the neck. The stranger can also feel other thing on her body too, if you get my drift.
And that is what makes this game so dangerous: it crosses the bounds of normal video games and is just too real, upfront and personal. Hopefully my report into this game has opened your eyes and struck fear into your heart, so that you will immediately take back the Halo 4 and Xbox console you bought your family for Christmas, and throw it in the garbage or fire where such dangerous things belong.
Musk-tainting the gooch – For conservative, NRA-supporting parents out there, you should also be afraid of this game. Even though the thought of gun violence is likely a lullabye for you, the thought of your child being a teabagging homosexual may not sit so well. In the image above, we see blue Master Chief is committing an act of homosexuality known as teabagging, or ‘musk-tainting’ the gooch back East. The defeated player lays on the floor and through the Kinect technology, can feel the victorious player rubbing his man bits all around the face, completing an ‘Epic Mount’ gooching.