Attack of the Easter Gay: Gay man dressed in ballerina bunny costume wildly tearing through the streets of Saline, a taser shock from the officers to his chest only enthralling and exciting him more as he caused over 57 townspeople to be exposed to ‘hardcore homosexuality’.
[adsense]Saline County Township, KS – The law was called to confront a man accused of putting on ‘public displays of homosexuality’ and ‘other immoral public displays of ‘a homogay agenda in private venues’.
The town council was put on high alert early Sunday after international news of England’s legalization of gay marriage broke to local media. Officials were on the lookout for any violations of the town’s imposed Freedom of Religious bylaws, which expressly forbid any homosexual activity in view of private businesses and government buildings.
“We were called to the corner of 6th and Main. When we got to the scene, children were crying and several people had fainted from shock. One mother was covering her child’s eyes as she ran from where a man dressed in a rabbit’s ears, pink tutu and roller skates vigorously rubbed himself against who we found to be the woman’s husband.”
Officer Perkins continued, “The dad was humiliated and cowering as the gay man sashayed all around him, flaunting himself in all sorts of provocative manners. Several confused bystanders were covering the seats of their pants because they could not rationalized the sensual clothing of a ballerina with the antics of this sweaty, musky man.”
Perkins waited for several other officers to arrive at the scene before firing his TASER weapon. “I shot my electrode straight into the subjects pectoral region. The shock of it only caused him to moan out in some sort of ecstatic bellow and he screamed ‘Give me more, Mr. Gray! I’m a bad girl. Give me more!”
“I think he was making references to 50 Shades of Grey,” reported Officer Perkins.
Undaunted and unshaken by the officer’s TASER fire, the man — identified as Herbert Gacey — tore through the streets of the town and frisked several other confused husbands. In total, over 57 townspeople claim they were ‘mortified’ after being exposed.
Officers finally managed to wrangle Gacey within a steel mesh net and tackle him, which they report only caused him to become ‘instantly submissive and flirting’.
“After we captured the assailant, he claimed he ‘was just celebrating his fertility and running wild, like the virile rabbits of Easter.'”
Saline County Township Bylaws on Homogay Agenda
Due to an unprecedented movement to legalized gay marriage nationwide, this town has issued provisions to protect the Religious Freedom in all public and private venues. These laws will be enacted and enforced until statewide elections solidify more specific edict to which the public shall adhere.
1. No public displays of homosexuality or a ‘homogay agenda’ (e.g., canoodling between a man-man or woman-woman pairing, sharing iced creams and dinners romantically with another of the same gender, men must wear loose fitting shorts that fit neatly about the waist.
2. The following music and pop cultural icons are not allowed to give performance, live or taped, in a private or government venue: Ellen DeGeneres, RuPaul, David Spade, Cher, Neil Patrick Harris and George Takei. This list is only partial and will be expanded as deemed necessary by local law enforcement.
3. The following television programs will be barred from local broadcast: The Big Bang Theory, Alliance, How I Met Your Mother, Ellen, Tosh.0. This list is only partial and will be expanded as deemed necessary by local law enforcement.
4. No flaunting about in sensual clothing.
5. No dressing too far outside established gender norms. Gender norms for men include a neat, short haircut, fitted shirts, comfortably loose pants and or shorts, and tennis shoes and dress shoes. Women should wear blouses, female shirts, female pants and or skirts and feminine shoes. Hair length for women should be shoulder length, unless hair growth is inhibited by medical condition or genetic/ethnic factors.