After last week’s Supreme Court ruling that made corporations a major shareholder in women’s wombs, local grocery store owners lobbied Congress to demand rights over the wombs of their female shoppers as well.
“I think it is a great travesty that fetuses, corporations, husbands and politicians all get a share of the womb, when we are the ones who hold one of the tightest relationships with women,” reported Larry Wolheim, head of the Local Grocer’s Association.
“Think about it. When a woman hits ‘that time of the month’, who providers her with pain relief and padding for her bleeding delicates? Who providers pharmacy consultation and milk to make a creme sauce for the penne chicken pesto, all in one place?,” Wolheim continued.
In the official petition, lobbyists maintain that the relationship between grocery stores and married women is symbiotic, to the point that the relationship is intimate in closeness like the shark and remora of nature.
If rights are granted to grocery stores, a store manager will be able to regulate how many maxi pads, contraceptive pills and pleasurable gels a woman can buy per month. “We can also authorize specials. If she buys two gallons of milk, we will let her buy 3 packs of KY. You cannot beat a deal like that,” Wolheim reported.