When Uruguay legalized marijuana right before the 2013 soccer season, the world held its breath as everyone new that marijuana aficionado Luis Suarez would constantly imbibe the drug with passion. But today, we can see the effects of marijuana as it caused a crazed Suarez to bite a Italian player’s jugular during the World Cup, a-la Tyson vs Holyfield.
Any medical doctor can tell you one simple truth: weed is a destructive drug that causes psychopathic tendency and gives the user propensity for committing violent crimes. The entire world was given a sample of this truth today in the World Cup soccer match that pitted the Marijuana-enabled Uraguay team versus the Catholic-faithed Italians.
Only moments into the match, the loose, limber and carefree style of the Uruguayans made it obvious the entire team was on the toke. Their passes were sloppy and careless, their jerseys wrinkled and food stained. Their eyes were red-tinted like a furious bull. And then there was Luis Suarez.
Before going further, a bit of backstory. Suarez actually made headlines a year ago, after biting a player named Branislav Ivanovic of Chelsea. Suarez did this right after his home nation of Uruguay legalized marijuana.
Some proponents of marijuana tried to argue that Suarez’s biting was just a coincidence, not even a product of weed. Well, now let us see what happens just days after Suarez got to hang out with all his buddies from Uruguay and secretly smoke marijuana in the back alleys of World Cup Hotel.
Like a rabies enraged lion on the prowl, a delusional Luis Suarez viciously springs in for the death bite on tender neck of Italian Georgio Chiellini.
Here is a close-up evidence display of the marijuana induced bite mark.
The fact that Suarez is craving human flesh is not surprising here. Marijuana stimulates the dopamine reward pleasure center of the brain. It makes the user sensual and hungry for things related to that desire: hunger, lust, passion, sweat. In the brain, these desires coalesce to make the a person crave a fulfillment so much, that in a soccer match where muscles are spent and sweaty, dripping with the spent liquids of manly scent and primal animal existence brought on by competition, a certain hunger is aroused.
Suarez’s appetite for sensuality grew more and more as the match carried on, the deep grunts and pants of his opponents, their lurid scents climaxing as the game moved toward the 90 minute mark, was just too much. Then you add in his physical hunger after all the running around, and it was game over. Just like a parched vampire on a co-ed night in Vegas, Suarez could not resist taking his fill of the closest buxom body around him. And that is why and how marijuana caused him to passionately bite Georgio Chielleni.
He had the worst of marijuana munchies. He could not resist an exotic sampling of a sweaty, exotic Italian soccer player with his rippling flesh supple and tender from exhaustion. In Suarez’s mind, it was the ultimate meal of satisfaction in that moment.
Exhibit A, your honor: pic.twitter.com/Y441InUFv8
— Baxter Holmes (@BaxterHolmes) June 24, 2014
Marijuana sure can make the game of soccer vicious, primal and deadly. Perhaps the fans want to see more carnage in their matches, who knows? But the bottom line is until we can assure all countries criminalize marijuana, more world class athletes are going to be the victim of biting attacks such as we see here.
Who is going to be gutsy enough to take on the Uruguayans now? And just remember, the Olympics are not far off. With years to get full of marijuana chemicals, team Uruguay’s ‘munchies’ for human flesh may make other nations think twice before agreeing to competition.