Brooklyn, New York – Shocking conservative commentators nationwide, the Brooklyn Nets signed the first openly gay NBA player, Jason Collins.
Causing even more shock, the entire team has not caught gay or AIDS.
For years, there has been a stigma against having a gay man on a professional sports team. Some people say it would be ‘too distracting’, as if someone’s orientation should have any bent on their ability to throw a ball through a hoop.
[adsense]Others speculated that a gay man on a team would cause impressionable youths who are passionate about the game to be ‘gay curious’, as if homosexuality was a casual choice, like deciding if to get a new pair of Air Jordans.
“I cannot believe it,” conservative Pastor Haywood Bynum III mused on his podcast. “How uncomfortable will that team be, him licking his chops after a long, grueling game with the Knicks or Pacers leaves the team tense, sweaty and vulnerable in the locker room, after the game. He may not be able to resist his urges and slam dunk an exhausted Paul Pierce right in the business maker. How embarrassing would that be for the organization?”
Bynum’s words were met with equally ugly speculation and fallacious hypothetical scenarios from others who hoped to see the talented but aging Collins not get any more attention. Other more progressive individuals and organizations are quite happy with the Nets’ decision to not only draft a decent player to fill their roster, but also to help professional sports ‘get over’ any stigma tied to a person’s orientation.