For us men’s men who are wanting to show support of temporarily overthrowing DOMA so gays can get married for a while, at least until they fix our economy, I have comissioned a local artist to create the following Gay Marriage Equality symbol:
The TopekasNews Gay Marriage equality symbol allows heteromen to show their support of gay marriage, without the risk of a backside attack from an eager gay friend. The bacon symbolizes strength and loving women, risking greasy meals that can cause heart attacks, while its placement still coincides with the fleshy pink turgid rectangles that were blatant euphimism in the original symbol.
I found it necessary to create a symbol that allows us men’s men to show support of gay marriage, without worrying about any of our ‘gay friends’ mistaking it as coming out of the closet. How awkward would it be to go out with all your buddies tomorrow, perhaps to watch Florida Gulf Coast dunk all over Florida in their mad march to glory and then to have Bradley from accounting start playing footsies with you?
As you enjoy the soft rubs on your leg under the table, getting goosebumps and maybe your neckhairs standing on end, you’ll mouth whisper to him, “Why?” He’ll just wink and hold up his iPhone, showing you the little red box and pink rectangles on it as your avatar. That scenario is likely playing out all over the country right now, us normal men being hit on by our gay friends, because they think we are fully gay for posting the original Gay Marriage Equality symbol on Facebook.
Now let me make it clear, my backside is not for probing. If you are not a proctologist, it is truly ‘no man’s land’ back there. Sorry gay guys, but my backside is simply off the market and I am happily married to my female wife.
But I still support gay marriage, and let me tell you why.
I am many things in life. A loving father. A fiery pastor. A good husband.
But there is something else I am: a man’s man. As a man’s man, I realize the need to sacrifice long-held views for the greater good.
In these terse economic times, I realize that it is financially prudent for America to accept gay marriage. After legalizing gay marriage in New York, the state economy experienced a $259 million increase in fiscal profit. Gay marriage legalization was a causal factor in that increase. And more research continues to support the concept: gay marriage increases government revenue, increases jobs and create more stable households with combined incomes, meaning less dependence on government aide and therefore lower taxes.
So even though I know that we will suffer wrath for what I am going to say, here it is: gay marriage must be legalized, for the good of America. In my locale, I cannot come out to a rally and say “Woowoo, I support gay marriage” and jump all around with all the brightly plummaged champions of the movement. It is just not proper and someone may try to slip me a roofie, so they can take advantage of my pristine backside flesh and have their way with me. I imagine that is how gay marriage parties tend to work anyway.
But for the good of America and our economy, I must show support of gay marriage somehow. Somehow, I must let everyone know that I am a happily married man, I love God, but I do not want to take part in the wanton carnality that the lusty and always libido rich gays have with one another. The risk of them trying to make the moves on me and get me caught into some late night poking session is just too great and could happen too easily.
And thus I paid a talented local artist a commision to create a symbol for men stuck in a position such as me, so we can show support of gay marriage while still leaving our manhood intact. Please feel free to use the symbol and share the good news with your friends. Blessings to all!