Pope Benedict Finally Letting His Hair Down in Retirement

Sterling Manchester II
• TopekasNews

Pope Benedict is finally letting his hair down in retirement.  As the image up above indicates, the Pope loves to turn on some Madonna and Vogue around his quarters in the Vatican, his cardinals unphased by his lusty milk-white thighs tensed beneath the all-too-familiar Corinthian leather Catholic-fetish suit.

And deep down, a religion that has central stories about their Savior being whipped and tortured, then letting their kids see it played out in Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ” may draw raised-eyebrow ire when more civilized and advanced cultures look back onto our culture’s time period.  “Those people were into some freaky sh#$!” the history books shall say.

In all seriousness, I am using the Pope’s retirement to talk about some problems I have with the Catholic faith.  At my core, I am atheist.  A secularist who believes in the ultimate eventuality of humanity evolving to a form of life that can exhibit many of the qualities we attribute to ‘God’:  creation of new life, ability to change the fate of a planet with abilities ‘beyond nature’ and perhaps even new forms of communication.  Our ability continues to grow through the ages, and hey, perhaps God does exist and he is just a really highly evolved lifeform.

Shows like Stargate and even Star Trek have flirted with such a concept.  But beyond all that, here is one simple question:  why can’t priests have families?

My biggest issue with the Catholic church is the concept of dogma.  “We done always did it like this, and that the way it will always BE!” Read that in the most stereotypical Southern-RedChristianNeck voice that you can, and I imagine that is what conclave and bishop meetings always sound like.

The church has a problem with priests diddling little boys.  Let us just let that cat out of the bag.  Let it prance around, drink some milk and use the kitty litter box.  The biggest problem with the Catholic church, and I think many will agree with this, is that it is not addressing a fundamental flaw.  There are cover-ups going on where young men and women are suffering abuse at the hands of priests, men who have to vow to ‘give up’ a natural “God-given” gift:  sexuality.

It is simply not normal or natural for an able bodied person to not have urges to be with another.  Ignoring that compoment of human existance, when you have it, is not healthy.  It leads to deviant behavior, the type of behavior of which many priests have been accused.

I am sure Pope Benedict is a good man at heart, wise with years of experience and a great professor of his faith.  But, what is he hiding from us?  The Vatican has made it clear that the Pope will not leave the Vatican in retirement!  Like a prisoner, he cannot leave because fear that he will be arrested and put on trial, because he is harboring knowledge of many hidden cases of exploitation by priests.

And if the Pope has such knowledge, why is it that he is not confessing the truth?  Being the first Pope to actually retire from the job since the 1400s, Pope Benedict has a very unique ability to do something that his predecessors did not have:  let down his hair.

That is to say, he can tell us what the hell the Catholic Church has been hiding from us, in terms of all these cases.  I think, America…let my rephrase this ‘Murica, should grant the Pope diplomatic immunity, under the condition that he will appear before a court of law and tell us every single damned thing that he knows as far as accusations go.  Every case he can remember, every conditional he has in his journals.

My fear is that the Vatican’s decree that they are keeping the pope there for his safety is a two-edged sword.  Maybe they are also keeping him there so he will ‘keep his mouth shut’ and not tell all their secrets, as a man of God may feel compelled to do.  The Pope needs to be free from worry of oppression in the Vatican, but also from law caving in on him.  He’s a unique man and I want to hear his unique story, the deep truth.

So Pope, if somehow you see this, please let your hair down.  Ask for immunity in America if necessary, and please, address the biggest issue the modern world has with the Catholic Church.  I think it would be beneficial for all of us, religions, non-religious and those who just need to know the truth.

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