Queen Elizabeth Disbands ‘American Parliament’, Redeclares Self Queen of the Colonies

• TopekasNews
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The Queen of England has weighed in on the US government shutdown:

Greetings Colonial Citizens,

When you rebelled and broke free from parental authority some 200 and two score years ago, it was with heavy hearts that my family opted to grant you freedom of leave.

The rebellious son who could not live up to his father’s expectations you were, and to yourself, you had much to prove.  In our hearts, we knew the Colonies of America were not ready to stand on their own.  And it is with a heavy heart, I do indeed say ‘We told you so’.

Hencewith, I charge your pretend government immediately disband and go into permanent hiding.  There will be no more free elections.  Tell your Senators and your Representatives they are hereby stripped of title and rank, peasants before their Queen Mother.  They shall abdicate all wealth they have greedily acquired and return it immediately to the Crown.

As I watched in disappointed expection when your ‘leaders’ failed to keep your little playtime government running, I laughed a bit with my grandson, your future viceroy, and stated, “Good luck, these barbarians have much to learn.”

But learn you shall.  And you shall do it quickly, lest you face the wrath of my royal guard and Royal naval fleet.

Henceforth and effective immediately,

Writs of Subservience to the Royal Crown

1) I proclaim my grandson rightful heir to the Kingdom of Great Britain and all the lesser countries.  You shall bow to his crown.  Prince William, the elected viceroy and ruler of the Americas, is your master and he shall live in the White House.

Barack Obama is hereby evicted from the White House and stripped of his title of President the United States, namely because your little country no longer exists, by my command.

2) Republicans:  you are a mockery to Christianity and the Church of England.  You hate making the poor healthy.  Effective immediately, any Republican stating he knows the will of God, shall be accused of witchcraft and burned at the stake, lest he confesses his sins then shall I commute his sentence to a public thrashing and quartering by a horse.

Democrats:  you have proven to be spineless cowards and living proof that Democracy cannot work.    Declaring every person who disagrees with anything you say to be a bigot is such a criminally insane fallacy of illogic, that any person with registered Democrat history shall be reviewed by a priest to ensure no demon possession of the mind has taken place.

3)   Immediately disband your proclaimed royalty.  Talentless debutaunts in league with Miley Cyrus, the Lady Gaga and Mr. Waka Flaka shall all immediately be stripped of wealth and reduced to status of peasant.

Hollywood, California,  shall be immediately vacated or it will face bombardment by the Royal Navy.

The insufferable little douchcanoe, as you say in your vernacular, named Justin Bieber shall immediately report to my court, so I may personally spank him and then send him to the dungeons of Gaul.  Forever.

Cher shall keep her royal privilege.  I like her music.

4)   You shall pay a tax on all tea, you damned cheap bastards.  A tariff of interest to reimburse me for all the years you failed to pay your tea tax shall be paid by Starbucks, Inc., in full amount, or until their coffers run dry.

5)  Fox News, MSNBC, CBS, ABC, The New York Times, Reddit.com, Huffington Post and DrudgeReport are all null and void.  These organizations are all sham propaganda machines.  All news in the American province will come from the BBC.

Now, I do understand many of your brethren are illiterate little heathens and cannot read my declaration of rule.  For their benefit, I have employed my newly acquired YouTube company to issue this statement.

Long Live Me,

Your Loving Queen Mother and Ruler,

Queen Elizabeth Windsor, II

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