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Tearful George Takei Confesses His Homosexuality Is ‘Just An Act’, It’s ‘All In My Head’

george takei and his girlfriend


George Takei poses backstage at 2014 MTV Music Awards with his longtime secret girlfriend, Hollywood fashion designer Tiffany Steigel.

Last night on Chelsea Lately, a tearful George Takei confessed his entire ‘new career’ of being the Commodore of Homosexuality is a sham.

“William Shatner continued to greedily hog all the limelight, getting all the commercials and tv deals.  The talentless sap was making millions while guys like Leonard [Nimoy] and myself were scraping for scraps.”

Takei was visibly upset as he described Shatner calling him at 3am, wildly laughing over the sound of buxom Spring-Breaking co-eds cheering ‘Kirk, Kirk, Kirk’ as he flaunted his wealth around.

“So I decided to do something that would overshadow that smug bastard, I decided to hop on the ‘gay train’.”

Riding the boisterous catchphrase ‘Oh, my!’ to excite television audiences with his booming tenor vibrato, Takei quickly took on the guise of homosexual extraordinaire.  He lived his life as a champion for gay rights and garners a massive media following, on the bared back of homogay agenda.

We should have all seen through this ruse as my evidence will point out.  The truth was always there.

1.  Kansas Flannel and Obscene ‘If Twice Pinked, Then Thrice Stinked’ Hand Signal

Flannel print shirts such as this can only be found in Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska and parts of Eastern Missouri.  That is authentic farm sewn flannel there.  My interns also tell me that hand signal is a very rude and lewd sign used at universities throughout the nation.

2.  Takei and Unknown Man, who is Clearly Takei’s Son

If you look at those warm, confident eyes and bone structure, Takei is clearly the baby’s daddy.  The young man in this photograph is clearly his son.  They look so much alike that Takei Jr. here could probably play his father in a television remake of Star Wars.