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Trader Joe’s Now Selling Mitt Romney Toilet Tissue, Buy It Now

Brentwood, CA – In life, it is always great to find common ground with your fellow compatriots.  We can all laugh, we can all cry.  Every day, we all wake up the same and every night, we must go to sleep.

And mostly all people on Earth have to wipe their backsides at some point.  The art of wiping does keep us grounded and remind us we’re really just giant monkeys with fancy shoes.  And no one really has fancier shoes than a guy we know as Mitt Romney.

Yes, the requisite snarky commentary where I compare Mitt Romney to something or someone who should be smeared in waste matter is coming, so don’t get antsy.  But let me discuss something else right now.  Do you really want Mitt Romney leading this great American nation?

I’m almost sad and disappointed that there isn’t Mitt Romney shaped cereal or cereal bars, so I could let it out hours later and experience the joy of flushing Romney down the toilet.  “Taking a Romney” has a really nice ring to it, though it probably will be equally satisfying wiping with that smug, something-eating grin.

With all that said, if you are throwing a party this weekend or have a more ‘open’ workplace, you should buy some of this great toilet tissue and make Romney familiar with kissing your toosh and all that it contains within.  This man is smug and thinks we are all jealous of him.

When a man looks like every cartoon businessman villain drawn in the Hanna-Barbara era, it should be a warning sign:  the guy is a crook and is not below any stoop in moral character to get what he wants.  And trust, if he wins, he will have no problem dropping a major deuce upon your life and laugh as you try to escape the mucky quagmire of poverty.