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Vexed U.N. Officials Draft Angrily Worded Letter To Russia, Strongly Urge Nation To Stop Starting World War III

vladimir putin laughs at angrily worded UN Letter
vladimir putin laughs at angrily worded UN Letter

[adsense]Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin openly laughs as Ban Ki-Moon angrily read a letter from the UN, which vowed “We shall protest and demand that maybe you cannot be part of the G8 anymore if you do not stop invading other countries!”

 New York City, New York – Terribly vexed UN officials drafted an official letter that warns Russia to please stop invading other nations, as if it were the 19th century.

The UN Secretary General, Ban Ki-Moon,  flew to Moscow to read the carefully drafted letter to Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, who allegedly appeared “drunk on power and fuel-grade vodka”.

After Ban Ki-Moon greeted Putin by slightly bowing and then taking his seat, he fidgeted as he read off the U.N.’s stern demands for Russia.  Russian Pravda media sources present at the historic meeting provided partial transcript of the letter:

Dear President Medvedev and Minister Putin of the Russian Federation,

It has come to recent attention of the United Nations that you staged an armed invasion of the sovereign nation Ukraine.  The invasion took place in the Crimean region and the people there are very terrified.   We fear that your recent rhetoric, defiance and labeling of gay people as ‘illegal’ is an attempt to nationalize your people against ideals of unified progress.

Forthwith, we kindly ask that you withdraw your invasion forces from the Ukraine.   Doing so would not only ease global tension, but ensure the United States does not start a decade long campaign to perhaps not invite you to an upcoming G8 conference.  If you continue to act aggressively toward other democratic nations, we will have no other choice but to draft an even more forceful letter asking you to stop making other nations tremble with fear and despair.

If you agree to accept our terms, please check the ‘Yes’ box.  If you refuse these terms, please check the ‘No’ box and then in the lines below, please provide an explanation as to why you are answering ‘No’.

Sincerely,

Ban Ki-Moon

Secretary General of the United Nations

While it remains unconfirmed if Vladimir Putin checked the Yes or No box, several journalists on scene did report the Russian leader petted Ban Ki-Moon on the head and then swatted at his backside, pointing toward the door and encouraging him to leave.

“Mr. Putin seemed very amused, very entertained by the reading of the letter. I do not think that is quite the emotional response Secretary Moon and the Western voting bloc of the Security Council wanted to see,” David Weaver of the ANP press reported.