A visibly shocked Vladimir Putin reacts to the doctor’s confirmation that he is genetically gay and has amorous feelings towards other men.
[adsense]Moscow, Russia – A bewildered Vladimir Putin solemnly took to the airwaves today to confirm that he was recently diagnosed with Type 2 Homosexuality, also known as ‘adult onset gay syndrome’ in Russia.
After years of riding around without his shirt, wrestling bears and loudly, wildly thumping his chest as he denounced capitalism, Vladimir Putin expressed he could not believe ‘it happened to me’.
Doctors speculate that Putin’s homosexuality has laid dormant for years, and his overtly masculine actions were actually just a cover-up for how he was feeling deep inside.
“I threatened to throw the gays into the gulags during the Olympics,” Putin lamented, holding back tears as he addressed a crowd gathered around the pastel-toned Kremlin. “I thought by taking a hard line stance against the gays, that it could not happen to me.”
A shocked crowd sat around in silence, KGB agents waving old-styled AK-47s as Putin continued his speech.
“The film Man of Steel is dangerous and enemy of Russia. They masked the title as Red Son in our great country and I believe this is what caused the homosexual escalation earlier this year.”
The Russian Ministry of Health and Sciences is conducting an official investigation into the Man of Steel, a film which Putin now claims can ‘unlock’ homosexuality in men after viewing repeated shots of Henry Cavill’s well toned abdominal muscles.
Researchers with the World Health Organization bring doubt to Putin’s claims, saying there has been no external study linking movie viewership with sexual orientation.
Dr. Gus Feinberg states, “Mr. Putin is likely trying to concoct a story to make an excuse for some same-gender encounter in which he engaged. Mr Putin should just embrace it and stop making excuses for his desires.”
Feinberg continues, “There is no reason to believe there is a Type 2 Homosexuality and Adult Onset Gay Syndrome as the Russians have tried to make up.”
Many people suspected Putin of potential homosexuality after a photo of him wearing a Mohair-suit on a crisp winter’s day was featured in Pravda.ru.
Sources speculate Putin’s recent actions, including an aggressive invasion of Crimea and threats to bring back the USSR, may be a subconscious shielding of the recent revelations.