2013 Gathering of the Juggalos, A Festival of Phish, Marijuana Addiction and Death

Cave-in-Rock, Ill (TopNews) – A cloud of tuna-scented musk has swept over Illinois, meaning that once more a gathering of the juggalos is upon us.

It should could as no surprise that someone has already died at the Juggalo Festival.

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The man was identified as a 24-year-old fan of the Insane Clown Posse.  Insiders say he was found inside a Burning Tent, where ‘burners’ are used to liquify marijuana leaves and mix it with Everclear and LSD to create the potently dangerous drug known as Faygo, or liquid marijuana.

Like most people who die from a liquid marijuana overdose, the man apparently suffered little and passed within five minutes.  This headline is hardly the biggest thing to come from this year’s festival.

CDC reports indicate a 49% infection rate of venereal diseases such as Trich and gonococcus literally leap off the toilet seats and vendor’s carts into your belly at events such as this.  After the 2012 Juggalo gathering, 63% of the women in attendance reported becoming pregnant by ‘unknown or unremembered’ means and over 50% of men who attended confessed in an anonymous pole, that they experienced ‘rectal pain of unknown origins’ after recovering from a blackout at the event.

It is no surprise that the festival has all these weird things going on.  The Phish, a band of hippie origin, headline the concert.  Though juggalos are new age hippies, they keep traditional miscreant values such as free love, rampant drug use, taste in garbage music and preference for non-personal hygiene strong.

Marion county officials estimate a record 32,000 juggalos are attending this year’s event.

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