The Christian’s 420 Guide To Smoking Marijuana

Stoners are notoriously crass, lazy and eccentric in sensuality.  They constantly thrust their hips and wildly eat Doritos, their raw carnal energy catalyzed by copious amounts of Mountain Dew and hallucinated thoughts of perversion.  Their wild parties and clothesless thrusting sessions leading to endless baby creation.  Marijuana smokers are responsible for joblessness, poor families and crime that are tearing our great nation apart: today is their holiday, and if you are not careful you’ll find your loved ones singing their Marijuanamas carols of malody. 

Today is a very dangerous day of the calendar:  4/20.  To you and me, it is just another day to do yard work and enjoy time with our families.  To a marijuana stoner, however, this day is their sacred holiday where they puffy pass their illegal herbs and wreak havoc upon society.

In my 12 years as a youth pastor, I have counciled countless families and college students through the dangerous , murky waters of marijuana addiction.  It seems that as we research all the new, secret advances in how people ‘smoke’ the drug and are sneaking it into your homes, the marijuana elite find new delivery systems to ensure your loved ones stay addicted and just two steps away from a marijuana induced coma (MIC).

My Christian’s 420 Guide to Smoking Marijuana will be available in Barne’s and Noble this coming fall, and will teach you the latest dangers about the drug, how Hispanic/Latino drug dealers are smuggling it into the bedrooms of your son and daughter and what you can do to stop it.  We must stop all marijuana smoking in America, or in time we will just be another 3rd world brothel country for Satan himself.  Below are some choice excerpts from my book and I hope these facts help you wage war on your little pothead sons and daughters, or heaven forbid, spouse or parents.

The most dangerous thing about marijuana is that it can assume so many different forms.  Like a shapeshifter eluding the untrained eye, marijuana can disguise itself as the air your breathe, a pile of Kool-aid or hash browns and brownies.  All the forms are deadly, dangerous and impair the thoughts of those who eat it, inject it or breathe it.

If your wife, for instance, was one day attacked by a group of frat bros who blew smoke in her direction, she would have no choice but to give into her primal urges.  After just a few sniffs, she’d rip off her dress and stockings, letting the frat bros use her in all sorts of perverted ways and then upload the video to reddit.com gonewild.

If that’s not scary enough, the same can happen to your daughter or your son.  How embarassing.  The CDC estimates that over 75% of students in college have experimented with this drug.  The incidence is very high at the University of Kansas, where over 90% of college freshmen will try the liquid form.  The wanton carnality of this drug lead to this website where women smoke and then cannot resist the urge to expose their milksacks.

Most people do not know the origins of marijuana.  Marijuana is derived from a plant named salvia.  During its curing process, called the scrog, it is sprinkled with another drug called Quaaludes and then soaked in liquid LSD.  It is then dehydrated, giving what is known as WEED (Wild Ejactulation Enhancing Drug).

Their bloodstream coursing with this drug, men are dangerous and virile.  They yearn to topple the closest body to them, no matter the gender.  Their drive to create an offspring in without equal, aside from the writing bodies of females who do the same drug.  This is why 4/5 women who try marijuana end up becoming pregnant within several days.  The brain is overtaken and cannot leave the reproduction cycle until the drug’s demands are met.  This is also why so many poor people have so many kids who live off the Medicaid dime of us hardworking taxpayers with proper insurance and family planning.

So this 4/20, I say bah humbug! to you scallywag marijuana smokers and wish a pox upon your house and your nether regions.  Stop polluting my air with your no good devil’s lettuce smoke and stay away from my wife and daughter.  I suggest all you other concerned fathers, husbands and brothers out there, send the same message.