Zaraysk, Russia (Pravda.ru) – Amid fears that Russian president Vladimir Putin is jonesing for a World War with Western powers over Crimea, Vladimir Putin’s na-na Olga Putin has taken to media to defend Putin’s name.
“Oh, he was just such a sweet, gentle boy,” Putin’s mother confirmed to media, smiling warmly as she sipped from a glossy tea cup. “He would be so gentle with the animals, it actually reminds me of a funny story.”
[adsense]”The neighborhood boys were playing proletariats and capitalists, you know, where they would run around and ambush the kids stuck playing the little Yankee vreditel zvers with their toy guns and foam airplane bombers.”
“The boys got bored and went out to the creek, where they found and rounded up little frogs. They were going to pretend the frogs were foreign troops invading the motherland, and bomb them with rock missiles. That is where my little Vladimir dove in front of the frogs and shielded them with his body.”
“He received several broken bones and teeth, but he stood there until the boys saw he would not give up protecting the frogs.”
When asked how he managed to calm the group of boys, the story took a more seriously dark tone.
“When Vladimir came home, he would not tell me how he received his broken bones and teeth. I remind you, he was just a small guy and the boys were teenagers, ten years older than him. He just wrote down names in a book and told me, “Nana, please keep this book and give it to me when I am a man.”
Nana Putin confirms nearly ten years ago she gave the notebook to President Putin, who then issued a public summons to the names written within. While no official record lists what happened to the men who were summoned to the Kremlin for a ‘reunion’, one Russian family who spoke with press on the condition of anonymity purports to know what happened.
“He sent them to the gulags. Some forty years later, and he ripped them from their families and sent them to death prisons!” One person interviewed claims to be the daughter of one of Putin’s childhood friends who tried to stone the frogs. She claims she recently received a Snapchat of her father, bloody and bruised, laying on the ground beneath the boot of Vladimir Putin.
When asked if the story of the frog-stoner friends was true, Olga Putin simply winked at the camera and said, “Аво́сь да как-нибу́дь до добра́ не доведу́т.”