Are Women Even People, Really?



Hello, my good friends and dear readers, Haywood Bynum III here.  After joyfully taking in today’s landmark Supreme Court decision, there is just one pressing question on my mind:  are women even people, really?

Following today’s landmark 5-4 decision in favor of Hobby Lobby to force its female employees to choose life and have the babies God dictates into their wombs, I like the majority of sitting Justices of the Court must come to a valid conclusion:  women are just quite not people.

As we learned, if we do not set clear limits on a woman’s secret garden, Satan will come in and ravage the fertile gifts they were granted and infest them with things like contraception, abortion and weird, unnatural devices like IUDs. Obama’s healthcare reform nearly forced companies who follow America’s Christian tradition and Godly heritage to be pawns in Satan’s war on women.

religious business rights

The Five Pillars of America’s Christian Democracy stood strong Monday and gave businesses rights over that of liberal women who would abuse their body and God given gift to give birth to a man’s child after receiving the seed of life in her most sacred place.

At this point, there are surely liberals out there stammering and planning all sorts of fallacious attacks against my logic and the logic of the brilliant Justices pictured above.  Let me save you some trouble.  If women were meant to have all these ‘reproductive rights’ and evolution is true, why are reproductive rights not evolved right into a woman’s wombs?  Why can’t women just ‘turn off’ a pregnancy?  Agree to disagree, whatever helps you sleep, but I can guarantee you have no argument against that valid point.

You see, this is why I and my good friends and readers do not understand you people.  I seriously do not understand how people can sit around and think it is right or natural for a woman to mutilate her body and alter its natural function, as to jeopardize the future of humanity.  For every one woman who “believes” she has the right to take away a man’s ability to give a child unto her, we come closer to a dangerous, new cultural institution.

What if we live in a world where women think they are entitled to do whatever they please to their bodies, to the point that they can coerce everyone around them to work to that end?  It took five men today to dig in their heels and protect Corporations from Women who think in that way.

In a closing message, let us get one thing clear:  women are people.  Women are fearfully and wonderfully made people who were created by God.  God put into each woman a secret place, a place where she can receive the seed of life and give birth to a human.  Such a powerful, wonderful gift is built into each woman, and we should have a sacred respect for that ability.

Forcing corporations and doctors to help deviant women end that process is just a sick, sick thing, so thankfully America has a decent Supreme Court lead by 5 men under the influence of Christian logic.