Christians Review, “Scooby Doo, The First Atheist Brainwashing Cartoon”

A Christian priest by the name of Dr. Adam Nelson has written a treatise against the ‘atheist brainwashing cartoon’ Scooby Doo, openly calling for his congregation to submit their child to psychological counseling if they have been watching this show.   According to Dr. Nelson, the show causes ‘marijuana addiction, lesbianism and promotes male prostitutional bearing’.  The review follows in full and this guy is truly a handful:

Scooby Dooby Doo is an atheist propaganda cartoon that reached its zenith during the turbulent, drug-fueled 1960s. The show featured a talking dog, a marijuana addicted hippie and three ‘free love’ college students who frequently engaged in off-screen coitus, without the bounds of marriage.

On the surface, the show purported to be a simple, fun buddy adventure archetype where four friends and their Great Dane dog engaged in riveting investigations. Parents felt comfortable letting their children watch a repurposed Sherlock Holmes, with teenaged college students being the protagonists.

But parents of the 1960s and even today could not understand the true agenda of this show: anti-theist brainwashing.

In each and every episode, the ‘villains’ of Scooby Doo turned out to be people of faith. They dress in costumes that suggest an afterlife or belief in a higher power, to only be defrocked and defrauded by the heroes of the shows, representations of very anti-theist values.

To get a full understanding of just how damaging and sneaky the show is with its agenda, a breakdown of the core characters and mores each episode espouse.

1. Scooby Dooby Doo

The name of the show’s titular character should send off alarm bells. A “Dooby Doo” is slang for marijuana. The main theme of the show was performed by the Doobie Brothers, a troupe of musicians who performed stoner music to set the mood for endless parties where participants did all sorts of illegal drugs and had drug-fueled pregnancy inducing sessions.

Scooby always has an insatiable appetite, one of the primary symptoms of marijuana addiction. The CDC reports that since the 1960s, America has seen an 84% increase in teenaged obese population. The obesity rates increase most dramatically in demographics that have access to a television where Scooby Doo airs in syndication.

Even beyond all the drug references in Scooby Doo’s existence, the dog also represents the dangerous concept of evolution.

Evolution is the belief that humans evolved from monkeys, who evolved from lungfish, who evolved from bacteria who all evolved from a ‘magical’ Big Bang that apparently started all life.

Scooby Doo climbed the evolutionary ladder in this show, regularly showing abilities beyond that of a dog: in the show, Scooby Doo showed impossible abilities for a dog, such as: talking, solving a mystery, eating sandwiches that contain onion, drinking chocolate milkshakes. The impossibilities go on and on, further destroying the facts of life for children. A dog cannot eat onions or chocolate, a dog cannot talk and a dog cannot independently solve crimes or roller-skate.

2. Freddie

Freddie is a bisexual swinger who cannot get enough free love, no matter in what he’s sticking his sinning wick. Freddie is all about carnal pleasures and often invites Daphne, who wears an easy access dress, to go to exotic off-screen locations with himself so he can give her a shaggie. This teaches young men that is is okay to deflower your daughter, as long as they do it off-screen and away from your knowledge.

 

Freddie also wears an ascot, cementing his position in the homosexual sexual community as a Yankee Doodle Dandy. Dandies are men who oft dress in the highest New York fashions, attracting attention of struggling college students who will likely give them whatever they want, just for a few dollars for food or tuition money.

Freddie is obviously the rich, older homosexual of the group. Compared to everyone else, he is well-dressed and manicured, two distinct symptoms of being a Yankee Doodle Dandy. All of the characters have to give into his demands, even though his preference is likely shagging Shaggy.

3. Shaggy.

The best way to characterize Shaggy is to think of internet website Reddit.com, then think about what their typical user looks like: unwashed/unshowered, on drugs, scraggly, sleep-deprived, perpetually hungry and in some form of college, where they could be an honor student but due to poor time management/turning tricks for their Dandy Daddy, they struggle to keep passing grades.

Shaggy happily eats a pile of sandwiches earned after marijuana-fueled buckling session where he let Freddie have his way with him.

4. Velma

Shy and quiet on the surface, dominating and luring underneath, Velma is the lusty library fetish character of the show.  While she always provides an excuse to get on her hands and knees with a famous utterance of ‘My glasses, I cannot see without my glasses,” we all know Velma’s cries of “Jinkies!” is some weird safety word that gets Shaggy, Freddy and Daphnie all excited.

With the all knowing glare and adjustment of her glasses, there is an 80% chance that this character is also promoting lesbianism.

5. Daphne

Finally, we get to the belladonna of sensuality herself:  Daphne.  Like all red-haired women, this Daphne is a dangerous vixen whose sole purpose it is to lure men into doing sin.  For the ascot-wearing Freddie, it must be awkward to take all of his passionate feelings toward the unclean shaggy, on a cleaner, more attainable Daphne who is always fresh, ready and willing.

Did we ever once see her turn down a ‘Well, you three go mess around over there while Daphne and I check out the hot sauna.” ?